David J. Pollay's Blog

Monday Morning Momentum™: Hug Now. Don’t Save It.

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David

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Hug Now.  Don’t Save It. ©

Recently I arrived home from the office, and my dad was standing in the driveway.  Dad is 6’2” and wears a full beard.  Dad was talking to two pro football-sized construction workers.  As I approached them, they all turned and looked at me.  I said, “Hi Dad.  Hey guys.”  I then stepped forward, shook my dad’s hand, pulled him into me, hugged him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  I then walked into the house.

A Family Ritual

For three generations my family has done the same thing.  We kiss and hug when we see each other.  We kiss and hug when we say goodbye.  And we don’t care who is watching.  My parents taught me through their example.  My grandmother reinforced this practice by what she said to me thirty-two years ago.

Nana’s Lesson

I was 9 years old.  It was wintertime in Milwaukee.  My family was leaving Northridge Shopping Mall after a movie.  Mom, Dad, my brother Mike, and my grandparents were there.  And I was mad at my dad.  I still have no idea why.  But I know that I was mad.  I was pouting and I wasn’t talking to him.

It was snowing that night and the temperature was below freezing.  Dad told us to wait inside the mall so that he could warm up the van and pull it up to the front door.

That’s when Nana came up to me and said, “Your father loves you and you love him.  Don’t go to bed angry at him.  Kiss and hug him before you go to bed tonight.  Tell him that you love him.  You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Few words have had such an impact on me as those of my grandmother that night:  “You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Don’t Miss Your Opportunity

Dawn and I recently attended the funeral of a colleague’s father who had passed away of a major heart attack.  His son was eulogizing him.  He said that one minute his father was talking; the next minute he was gone.  My colleague was respectful of his father and he recalled good times.  And then he said something that deeply saddened us: “I never did hear my father say that he loved me.”

My mother taught us that you hug, kiss, and say that you love someone when you wake up, when you go to bed, before you leave the house, and before you hang up the phone.

Psychology researchers have long talked about the importance of feeling a “secure attachment” to the ones you love.  You need to feel confident and secure in another’s love for you; the positive impact of this in your life is far reaching.  Demonstrating affection and saying what’s in your heart is the best way to nourish your most cherished relationships.

Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football League, lost his 18 year-old son, James, almost three years ago.  Eulogizing his son, Coach Dungy said that he had last seen his son at Thanksgiving.  They had said goodbye before James left for the airport.  Coach Dungy knew that he would see his son again soon; he did not think much about the casual way they said goodbye.

But Coach Dungy never did see his son again.  Coach Dungy said, “I never got to hug him again.  That’s one thing I’ll always think about and always remind people to do:  Hug ‘em every chance you get.”

My Dad is now 78.  He just visited me in my office.  I hugged and kissed him when he arrived.  I hugged and kissed him when he left.  My grandmother would be proud.

This Week

Take an inventory of the important people in your life.  Who do you love, but have not told recently?

Choose at least one of these important people and tell them how much they mean to you, and how much you love them.  And if it’s possible to see them in person this week, make sure to give them a hug; it could be one of the most important things you will ever do.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Women with Belief™ Series: Notes from an Opera Singer.©

Mom was an opera singer who could sing high C’s beautifully.  And she had the chance to sing them often. 

A Leading Soprano

Mom was a leading soprano with The National Opera Company, and with The Community Concert Series of Columbia Artists after her undergraduate and graduate studies at the New England Conservatory of Music.  Her repertoire included Verdi, Puccini, Mozart, Gounod, Massenet, Hayden, and Handel.  Mom also toured Europe for the State Department to entertain the troops.  And in 1956 she was presented with a certificate of esteem signed by the United States Secretary of Defense, C.E. Wilson, “…for patriotic service in providing entertainment to members of the armed forces in Europe.”

How to sing a high C

I asked Mom recently how she was able to consistently sing a high C.  She said, “You already have to believe it’s there.  And once you believe it is, you have to find a way to let all negative thoughts go so that you can sing your high C.”

Daniel J. Wakin wrote about the high C last year in his article, “The Note that Makes Us Weep.”  Wakin quotes Craig Rutenberg, The Metropolitan Opera’s director of musical administration, “It is the absolute summit of technique.  More than anywhere else in your voice, you have to know what you’re doing.  To me it signals a self-confidence in the singer that lets him communicate to us that he knows what he’s doing and he has something very important to express with that note.” 

When I was growing up in Milwaukee, my parents formed their own singing act, The Pollays.  They performed across the United States and Canada with stars like Joey Bishop, Shecky Green, Myron Cohen, Mark Russell, Morey Amsterdam, Rich Little, and David Brenner.  My brother and I often had the opportunity to travel with them. 

Singing under pressure

I remember one particular performance.  Mom had the flu.  And just minutes before being introduced on stage, Mom was throwing up in the bathroom. 

I asked Mom how she was able to sing that day.  She said, “I always had a belief that I could sing under almost any circumstances.  No matter how sick I was, if I could stand up, then I could sing.”  Mom continued, “You believe you can do it.  You practice every day.  You know you have the technique.  You just have to concentrate and believe it is in you.”  And not only did she make it through the show, Mom and Dad received a standing ovation.

The power of belief

In a chapter on self-efficacy beliefs for the Handbook of Positive Psychology, James Maddux, professor of Psychology at George Mason University wrote, “The truth is that believing that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish is one of the most important ingredients – perhaps the most important ingredient – in the recipe for success.” 

How did a girl from Augusta, Maine become an opera singer? 

Mom said, “My belief was that I could sing and that everyone wanted to hear me sing from the time I was three years old.  My mother used to say that I woke up singing with the birds before anyone else in the family was up…and I sang all day.” 

The power of passion

“There was always singing in my home,” said Mom.  “On Sunday nights we listened to the Firestone Hour.  We heard opera, operetta, and other beautiful music.  I dreamed and I believed that I could sing as well as the stars could and that some day I would sing opera and be well-known.  I bought sheet music and imitated all those famous singers, and the singers in the movies.” 

Mom turned her talent and her interest into a successful singing career that spanned five decades and took her around the world.  Mom’s beliefs gave her the drive and courage to accomplish something very few people do.  She became a professional singer.  She sang opera.  And she could sing the high C’s.

Monday Morning Momentum™: Don’t Play Email Lottery

                                    

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David 

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Don’t Play Email LotteryÓ                                                                                   

How It Starts

After I waved goodbye to Dawn and the girls as they headed off to school, I went back into the house, grabbed my cup of tea, and sat down at the computer.  I went straight to my four email accounts and started reading all the email that had arrived over night.  Thirty minutes later, I had responded to just a third of them: I had to stop to drive to my office in time for a meeting.  But as I made my way downtown, I was still thinking about the emails I had read, but not answered.  I was not focusing my energy and creativity on my goals for the day.  I had broken my rule.

How many of you do this every day?  How many of you sit down at your computer and say, “Let’s see what I have waiting for me today?”  And when you’re honest with yourself, you catch yourself hoping that the emails are not delivering bad news or problems for you.  Most of you follow this routine from time to time, and many of you do it every day.

Other People’s Priorities

And here’s what you’re doing.  You are downloading other people’s priorities.  You go into your day without a plan.  You have not committed to an agenda.  You bow to the concerns of others, regardless of their relative importance.

Other People’s Moods

And each email comes with an attachment:  the mood of the sender.  Senders always convey their moods in their messages:  They transmit their worries, anxieties, frustrations, anger, and impatience. Thankfully, some senders also communicate joy, gratitude, optimism, and excitement.

But hoping that good news will appear each time you open your email is like playing the lottery:  You secretly hope one of the emails is holding your winning ticket number.   

Now, there’s nothing wrong with email:  It is a vital form of communication.  It allows us to connect with people all over the world inexpensively and almost instantly.

Losing Your Focus

The challenge is that if you have not outlined what you must accomplish during the day to advance your goals and dreams, you will get caught up in everyone else’s priorities.  You will push “your goals” off to another day while you handle the requests of others.  Following this strategy you will never build the momentum you need to live your best possible life.

The Impact On Others

And it’s not just about you.  When you fail to make progress in the key areas of your life, you feel frustrated and disappointed.  And when you feel this way, you create a wave of negative energy that touches many people: Your colleagues, your customers, your friends, and your family will be affected by your negative emotions.

This Week

Follow my rule instead:  Have a plan before you open your email.

Each day this week grab your morning beverage and review your goals.  And then ask these questions:

(1)    What’s important to you? 

(2)    What will help you move closer to achieving your best possible life? 

(3)    And what must you accomplish to delight your customers, and satisfy your stakeholders? 

Then look at your week and set your priorities for each day.  Then come up with a list of people you must call, and people you must email.  And decide on the best order to complete these tasks.

Then with your plan in hand, it’s safe to open your email.  You can determine if anything has arrived that trumps something on your priority list.  If it does, slide it into place.  If it does not warrant your immediate attention, wait until the end of the day to respond.

Respect your own priorities.  Believe your goals are worth pursuing.  And remember that there are people counting on you to succeed. 

Don’t play email lottery.  Set your own agenda and enjoy every day.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.