David J. Pollay's Blog

Name a Strength and Make a Difference ©

One of the keys to happiness and success in life is to be able to do what you do best in life every day. And one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person is your observation and acknowledgement of their strengths in action. When you help people see themselves at their best, you help them realize that they are capable of doing great things in their lives.

My article below, “Name a Strength and Make a Difference,” makes this point and includes one of my better known stories (“you’re a good packer!”). Enjoy! And send it to the people in your life that you care about (and name one of their strengths).

Best to you,
David

Name a Strength and Make a Difference ©
2008 David J. Pollay
Show me the trunk of your car. Hand me your luggage. Step back. I’ll find a way to fit it all in. I’m a good packer.

No car, no mini-van, no SUV scares me. I can squeeze anything in no matter the vehicle. You can call my trunk-packing a sort of strength; I can do it consistently well, and I enjoy doing it. Over the years I’ve volunteered to pack the family trunk thousands of times. And I’ve been called in for the most difficult of jobs. I’m the “go-to” guy of trunk-packing.

There’s a beginning to all success stories. Here’s mine. One day my Dad was having trouble finding a place in the trunk for one last bag. As he stepped back to take a better look, I stepped forward, adjusted three bags, and slipped the final bag into place. It was like laying down the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle. My Dad turned to me with a big smile and said, “David, you’re a good packer.” I swelled with pride. I was nine years old.

Martin Seligman, co-founder of Positive Psychology, and Christopher Peterson, an expert on strengths and virtues in people, found in their research that by simply naming a strength in someone you amplify it. My dad named my strength over three decades ago. And he did more than that. Like a good leader, like a good father, my dad turned that experience into a story and told everyone. And he made sure that I could hear him telling it.

Ask your employees. Ask your children. Ask them how many times they remember that you named a strength of theirs. Ask them how often they heard you telling others about their strengths. Ask them those questions.

The best leaders know that their belief in their employees’ strengths has a positive impact on their performance. It also affects the goals their employees set. Stanford Psychology Professor Albert Bandura found in his research that “the goals held for others convey to them a belief in their capability to fulfill them.”

So the next time you notice your employees, your spouse, or your children doing something very well, consider naming the strengths you see. Watch them light up, and watch how much more they use their strengths. They’ll use it often and they’ll use it with pride. You’ll have made a difference.

Recently I stepped out of my car in the Toys R Us parking lot and saw a young boy, his mother, and his grandmother trying to squeeze his new bicycle into the family car. I stopped and offered my help. Why? Because I’m a good packer.

For ten minutes the boy and I struggled to find a way to get the bike in the car. We came close many times. Finally, the mother called the boy’s father and said that they might not be able to bring the bike home. But I wouldn’t give up. Why? Because I’m a good packer.

A few minutes later, I paused and thought we might not actually be able to get the bike in the car. I stepped back and the little boy saw my face and said, “Wait.” He reached in, grabbed the front tire, moved it ever so slightly and said to me, “Push.” And the bike slipped right into place.

I saw him light up with pride. I smiled, walked over to him, put my hand on his shoulder, and said, “You’re a good packer.”

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of “The Happiness Answer™” television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, and the founder and president of TheMomentumProject.com.

I Got Stickered!™ Strategy

Hi Everyone,
I recently wrote that there are times when a Garbage Truck is so big it is hard for you to get out of the way. And so you might get hit, or at least grazed by a Garbage Truck.

Here is my strategy for a quick recovery. Enjoy it!

And let me know what your “Stickers” are. What are your Positive Triggers™?

My best to you,
David

Let Positive Triggers™ Turn on Your Best Self ©
copyright 2007 David J. Pollay
One day last year I was sitting in my office, by myself, and I wasn’t feeling good. Yes, it’s true. I research, write and speak about Positive Psychology, but I admit it, I wasn’t having a good day.

Here’s my first question: Where do you look when you’re feeling bad? Most of us look down. And that’s what I was doing in my office; I was looking down at the floor. And then I started laughing! I realized that Ariela and Eliana, my 2 and 3 year old little girls, had put stickers all over my shoes. Somehow they slipped them on when I was kissing my wife Dawn goodbye before I left the house that morning. Just thinking about my little girls slipping stickers on my shoes without my knowing made me laugh. But then I laughed even harder when I thought, “Where had I been all morning with stickers stuck all over my shoes?!” It was at that moment I got it.

The stickers my little girls had put on my shoes were a Positive Trigger™ for me. They instantly made me feel good. So here's my second question: Where do you look when you're feeling good? You look up! And that's what I did in my office; I looked up and my day was reset. I had a second chance to make my day a good one. I was experiencing positive emotion.

Research studies from around the world have confirmed the power of positive emotion. Positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina, best known for her “Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotion,” found in her research that positive emotions widen your attention, they increase your intuition, and they increase your resilience to adversity.

Alice Isen, a psychology researcher at Cornell University, demonstrated that when you experience positive emotion, you are more kind, generous, and helpful. Isen also found that you’re more creative and better able to solve problems requiring “ingenuity and innovation.”

Neuropsychology researcher at the University of Wisconsin, Richard Davidson, discovered that positive emotions help boost your immune system. And at least three studies have shown that there is a strong connection between a longer life and experiencing frequent positive emotion.

Here's my takeaway. If you are being chased by a bear in the forest, you should feel plenty of negative emotion! As my grandmother used to say, "Run like the dickens!" Otherwise, positive emotions help you think better and they help you build better relationships with others. People prefer to be around curious and creative people, more than around people who always seem to be running away from bears! And I’ll bet, if you ask the people in your life, they’ll tell you that when you’re experiencing positive emotion, you do better work, you’re a better leader, you’re a better spouse, and you’re a better friend. I know that I’m a better dad to two little girls when I’m experiencing positive emotion.

So, what are your positive triggers? What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? What puts you in a creative mood? What triggers your passion, excitement, and hope? For some of us it's looking at pictures of our loved ones. Some of us listen to a favorite song. Others go for a quick walk, or do a little dance. Some read a short, funny story. Others remind themselves of their goals. Take a moment to think about the things that trigger your positive emotions.

Think of it this way. When you enter a dark room, what do you do? You reach for the light switch. Because you know when you flip it, just like that, you’ll have light. So what's your light switch? What turns on your positive emotions? What positive triggers will help you look up when you're feeling down?

Need some stickers? 

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™. Visit www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com to join the No Garbage Trucks! Revolution. His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of “The Happiness Answer™” television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, and the founder and president of TheMomentumProject.com.