David J. Pollay's Blog

A Daily Dose of Awe and Gratitude ©

Most of us wake up thinking about how we are going to meet obligations and fulfill promises to other people. We begin our day in response mode and remain that way until it’s time to go to bed. This is a hard way to live.

For twelve years I have chosen another way. I begin each day with the same positive ritual: a daily dose of awe and gratitude.

The First Step: Experiencing Awe

No matter where I am, I start my day with a moment of awe. I wake up and head for the nearest window. I open the curtain and look outside. When I’m at home, I look at the ocean. When I’m at a hotel, I look at tall buildings. When I’m in Maine, I look at trees. Wherever I am there is always something interesting to draw my attention. Each time I look out my window I appreciate the fact that the universe does not revolve around me; it includes me.

Immersed in the wonder and awe of something that I cannot explain, this first step in my morning ritual reminds me that the world is much bigger than my life and my concerns.

My Mom grew up in Maine and often reflects on the beauty of nature. She once said to me, “Think of the beauty of maple trees. The same force that makes sap run up a tree from its roots to its trunk, against gravity, is the same force that resides inside of you.”

Mom made her point by gently poking me in the gut and saying, “It’s right there; connect to it.”

Profound Outcomes

University of Virginia psychologist Jonathan Haidt, author of the Happiness Hypothesis, and Dacher Keltner, University of California-Berkeley psychology professor, wrote about awe in Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman’s book, Character Strengths and Virtues: “People consistently report that experiences of awe and elevation have profound outcomes, motivating self-improvement, personal change, altruistic intentions and actions, and the devotion to others and the larger community.”

The Second Step: Verbalizing Gratitude

The second step of my morning ritual focuses on gratitude. I say everything for which I am grateful.
Philosophers, religious leaders, and teachers have taught us for thousands of years to begin our day by expressing and feeling gratitude for everything and everyone we have in our lives.
My list includes being grateful for a new day, the sleep I had the night before, my health, my family (by name), my close friends (by name), my key supporters in business (by name), and important opportunities professionally and personally. I make it a habit of visualizing the people and things as I say them; I want to keep these images fresh in my mind.

“Grateful individuals have a sense of abundance,” according to research by psychology professor Phillip Watkins and his colleagues at Eastern Washington University. “Grateful individuals appreciate the common everyday pleasures of life...grateful individuals appreciate the contribution of others to their well-being.”

Rewards of a Ritual

“A ritual can smooth life’s transition as can perhaps nothing else," wrote Huston Smith, professor of Religion and Philosophy at Syracuse University, in his book The Religions of Man.
Gratitude and awe in my morning ritual helps me transition from a night of sleep to a new day of possibility.
Rituals also serve another function, says Smith, "namely to intensify appreciation and crown man’s joy with celebration.”

Every day is a new opportunity. What would happen if you started each day with a little awe and gratitude? This positive ritual could change your life.

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this Fall, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program and DVD, and an internationally sought after speaker. He is the founder and president of The Momentum Project.

Baby Crying on a Plane? Turn a Negative to a Positive.©

The plane was full. My seat was 22C. To my surprise there was no one beside me and no one behind me. I felt like I had won the lottery of airplane seating. You know the feeling. You can spread out. You can recline without bothering anyone. You can even use two tray tables!

I was flying to Chicago to present one of my corporate seminars. I needed to concentrate on reviewing my program. The peace and quiet would be great. I immediately opened my bag and began to work. The flight attendants were readying the plane for takeoff when it happened.

“You’re in 23C,” I heard a flight attendant say. And just as I looked up I heard the increasingly loud cries of a baby. A mother and her upset baby girl were coming my way. Right behind me was the seat 23C.

Five minutes later the baby’s cry turned into a wail and her little legs were kicking my seat. I couldn't work with such distraction.

There were no answers to my questions: “Why does the little girl have to kick my seat? Isn’t there a way to stop the baby from crying? And why of all places on the plane do they have to sit right behind me!?” I started searching for what I could say, or what I should do. There was nowhere for me to go.

When Your Road Turns Negative Create a Fork in Your Path

Then I smiled. I realized I actually had a choice. I could either see the situation as a dead-end negative, or I could see the situation in another way. I could find another road out and take it. And I did. In that moment I found another way to look at the situation.

I now call it “my fork.”

I thought of my own children. I started to laugh when I thought that Eliana, 4, and Ariela, 3, had done their share of crying and seat-kicking in airplanes, as hard as we tried to stop it! So I turned the baby’s crying and seat-kicking into a reminder that I have two wonderful little girls of my own. Each time the little girl cried or kicked my seat, I felt grateful for my daughters.

Sure I would have preferred the flight to be quieter, but guess what? I was able to work because I became quieter inside. I replaced the negative emotion I was feeling with gratitude for my own children. Psychologist Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina observed how inducing positive emotions in people following a negative experience loosens the vice grip that the negative event holds psychologically. She also found that people bounced back faster physiologically — their cardiovascular activity slowed.

When we landed in Chicago I stood up and turned to look at the mother and her child. She smiled a little nervously at me and started to apologize for her daughter’s crying. I stopped her. I pulled out my wallet, opened it, and handed it to her. I pointed to the picture of my two little red-headed daughters. I said, “These are my little girls. They’re wonderful. And they cry too. Your daughter is beautiful. Congratulations.” She smiled and said, “Thank you.” I smiled and left the plane feeling good (something I wouldn't have thought possible when the crying and kicking began).

So the next time a situation seems to be a frustrating dead-end, ask yourself, “What’s my fork?” There’s almost always another road you can take.

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ DVD and television program, an internationally sought after speaker, founder and president of The Momentum Project.

The Keys to a Good Life©

I used to do it every time I went to an art museum. I would view a painting that I liked, and then I would head for the wall directly to the right of it. Now I was careful not to disturb anyone’s view on my approach, so I would make a big swing to the right and then shimmy up the wall until I reached the little metal plaque next to the painting.

Sure, I was interested in the name of the painting, who painted it, and the year it was completed. But I mostly wanted to know one thing. I wanted to know how long the artist lived. I was always relieved and happy when I saw that the artist had lived a long life, and I was disappointed when I saw it had been a short one. For as long as I can remember I thought a good life was a long life. Positive Psychology helped change my thinking.

Psychologists Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi co-founded Positive Psychology when Seligman was president of the American Psychological Association in 1998. Seligman was celebrated for his research on “learned helplessness” and “learned optimism,” while Csikszentmihalyi was best known for his research on “flow,” and for his best-selling book by the same name. Both men set Psychology on a course to discover what made people happy and thrive in life. They wanted to know what made up the “good life.”

The results of countless research studies that followed the launch of Positive Psychology led Seligman to conclude that there were three approaches to the good life. And they were all important. When you savor the present, are grateful for the past, and are hopeful for the future, you are experiencing positive emotion, the first component of happiness. When you do what you do best, when you use your signature strengths in your life’s work, you are engaged; this is the second contributor to happiness. And when you are involved in activities that go beyond your self-interest, and that you believe matter to the world, you are experiencing the third and final component of the good life: Your life is full of meaning.

While genetics do play a role in affecting your happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research has demonstrated that as much as 50% of your happiness is within your direct control. The headline here is that the good life is possible; it’s within your grasp, and it is not measured only by the number of years you live.

My little girls helped me learn this lesson last year. Dawn and I took Ariela and Eliana, 2 and 3 at the time, to a museum of butterflies in Key West.

When we entered the museum through a special pressurized entrance, we were immediately surrounded by thousands of butterflies, all flapping their multi-colored wings. My girls were thrilled! I turned to our museum guide and asked, “How long do butterflies live?” She said, “About ten days.” I thought to myself, “Ten days - what do you do in ten days?!” So I blurted out, “What can butterflies do in ten days?!” And she stopped, paused, and said, “They make the world a more beautiful place.”

Every day I now ask myself, “How am I making the world a more beautiful place?”

A long life is good; a good life is better.

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ DVDand television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, founder and president of The Momentum Project.