David J. Pollay's Blog

Monday Morning Momentum™: Be TANK-full™, and Do Happy

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David 

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Be TANK-fullä, and Do HappyÓ                                                                                                    

                                                   

Take My TANKä Quiz Now

Bring out your best in life.  Take my “TANK” quiz now.  Make a mental note of how you feel when you hear the following:  (1) Your best friend achieved something great; (2) Someone in another department of your organization was promoted; (3) Someone you know became famous; (4) Someone you met at a party said, “I love what I do!”

If your answers are anything but, “I’m happy for all of them,” you have just been given an important clue that you may not be living your best possible life. 

Here’s another outward sign that your life is not as satisfying as it could be.  Notice the way that you respond to a friend who says, “I have great news that I want to share with you.”  Your friend proceeds to tell you all about it and then you give an answer like, “Good for you.”  And that’s all you say.  Or you launch into something about yourself.  Or maybe you start complaining about how things are for you and others. 

Are You Living Your Best Life?

Here’s the challenge.  If you are responding in any of those ways, you are not living your best life.  Your response to the success of others is a mirror reflecting what’s not right in your life.  Rather than immediately saying, “Wow, that’s great news.  I’m happy for you.”  You instead focus inward on what you’re not happy about.  If you’re personally dissatisfied with your life, you have less to give others.

TANK-Full People

TANK-full people, on the other hand, have plenty to give.  They do four things consistently.  They thank people when they deserve it.  They ask others how they are doing.  They notice people’s accomplishments.  And they are consistently kind. 

TANK-full people are a reliable source of support, inspiration, and love.  We cherish their presence in our lives, and most of us aspire to be like them.  These special people have a lot to share because they feel that they already have so much.

Do Happiness

You often measure your happiness by what “you feel.”  When you focus on increasing your ability to thank people, ask others how they are doing, notice other people’s accomplishments, and show kindness to others, your happiness can be measured by what “you do.” 

The field of positive psychology guides you to think about your life as an opportunity to do three things:  Use your most natural strengths, engage in activities that hold great meaning for you, and savor and enjoy your daily life as you live it.  When you increase your ability to do these things every day, research demonstrates that you increase your happiness. 

Gottfried Keller said, “We don’t remain good if we don’t always strive to become better.”  When you commit every day to live your best possible life, you have more to give:  You’re ready to nourish others with your support. 

So, the next time you hear about someone’s good news you will be able to say, “Wow, that’s great!  You should be excited!”  Why?  Your TANK is full.

This Week

Check your TANK this week. How are you responding to the good news and accomplishments of others? How do you feel about your own progress towards your goals?   Do these three things this week.

(1)  Observe yourself:  This week observe yourself when you hear good news about someone else. What are your first thoughts and feelings?  What thoughts and feelings remain with you?

(2) Be generous:  No matter how you feel about someone’s good fortune, good or bad, be generous. Respond to the good news of others with a positive comment. Restrain yourself from saying anything negative:  Look for something you can appreciate in their success and state it.

(3)  Achieve one thing this week:  Commit to doing one thing that will take you closer to achieving your goals: Make progress on your mission.

Take these steps this week and you will be even more TANK-full.  Enjoy your week!

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your momentum journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Gratitude Friday: Thanks HappyNews.com

The Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ mission is only possible with the help from active members of the No Garbage Trucks!™ community.  As we all commit to let more Garbage Trucks pass us by, and to not spread garbage to others, we encourage the important people in our lives to follow our good example.  Together, we are making the world a more beautiful place!

A Special Thanks This Week

I want to say a special “thank you!” this week to Byron Reese, and Emily Johnson.  They are the Publisher and Editor, respectively, of Happy News.  You can find them at www.happynews.com.  Here is the Happy News mission in their own words:

“Our basic belief is not that people should be insulated from bad news. Far from it. We encourage people to be fully engaged, fully informed citizens. That means we need to know the good and the bad. We just believe much of the traditional media has strayed from this course, and reports a disproportionate amount of negative news. We are trying to balance the scales back out. Plus, let's be honest, there are some days when we have just "had enough" and need a pick-me-up. Hopefully this site accomplishes that.”

Happy News does a great job of accomplishing their mission:  They offer us an important news alternative.

I am particularly grateful to Happy News for being among the very first to help spread the Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ message in the online community. 

So please add HappyNews.com to your regular reading.

Join the Team!

And if you see or hear someone spreading the Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ message, email chris@bewareofgarbagetrucks.com.  I will look to highlight an active member of our community each week.

Have A Wonderful Weekend!

Enjoy your friends and family this weekend!  See you back here in a couple days for Monday Morning Momentumä!

Monday Morning Momentum™: What Are You Saying to Yourself?

                                    

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David 

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What Are You Saying to Yourself?                                                              

A walk with my daughter

My daughter, Eliana (4 at the time), and I were walking through a nature preserve two years ago when she stopped, turned around, and looked right up at me and said, “Papi, what did you say?” 

I said, “Ah, nothing sweetie.” 

“But Papi, I heard you say something.”

“Oh, Eliana, I must have been talking to myself.”

And then she asked me the big question, “Papi, why were you talking to yourself?”

Why was I talking to myself?  That was a great question.  I didn’t know.  I didn’t even know that I was doing it!

While you might be smiling right now, you know you do it too.  We all do it.  If you don’t believe me, try this quick exercise.

Take a quick break and email me what you have read so far in this post.  You can reach me at david@themomentumproject.com.  Okay? 

Stop!  Now what are you saying to yourself?  “Why is he asking me to do this?  I don’t have time right now.  I don’t do exercises.  I’m not emailing a columnist.”  That’s all self-talk.  As I said, we all do it.  Everybody does. 

We talk…and we talk fast

And we talk fast.  We speak out loud at approximately 200 words per minute.  Yet we speak to ourselves at more than 1,300 words per minute.  At this rate we might have over 45,000 thoughts per day.  The problem is that many of these thoughts aren’t helpful.

What does this mean for us?  How much of what we say to ourselves helps us live a better life?  Are we more successful, and are we happier?

16 years ago my grandfather taught me that the answer can be “yes” if we choose what to say to ourselves. 

My grandfather’s example

I was visiting my grandfather in his home in Augusta, Maine.  We called him Bumpa.  He was 86. Bumpa was having a rough morning; he was not feeling well.  He had a right to feel bad; he was a survivor of three major strokes.

That morning I walked down the short hallway from the guest bedroom to the kitchen.  I stopped when I heard his voice.  I slowly peeked around the corner and I saw him sitting in his rocking chair.  He was staring at his legs as he was saying, “Legs don’t fail me now.  You can do it.  You’ve always been strong.  I have a lot to do.  Let’s go legs.  I’m getting up.”

Thirty minutes later Bumpa was outside in his backyard chopping wood.  Here was a man the doctors thought we had lost three times.  He lived to be 90 years old.

My grandfather taught me the power of self-talk. 

My best thinking

I’m at my best when I think about all the support I have, the strengths I have been given, the successes I’ve had, and the goals I have now.  I’m at my best when I choose what to think about.

And it was my four-year old daughter’s question that reminded me to choose the self-talk that will help me to live my best possible life.  Eliana also helped me remember how much I loved my grandfather. 

This week

Listen to what “you have to say” this week.  When you move from one activity to the next, make a note of your internal conversation.  For example, jot down your answers to these questions:

What do you say to yourself when…

…you wake up in the morning?

…you drive to work?

…you set your priorities for the day?

…you have to go to a meeting?

…your boss asks you to do something?

…you’re driving home from work?

…you’re getting ready for bed?

At the end of each day look back at the pattern of your self-talk.  Was it helpful or not?  And if you find that you had been saying things to yourself that did not help, start replacing them the next day with words that support, encourage, and motivate you. 

Next week, we’ll look at one of the most important things you can say to yourself. 

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your momentum journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Monday Morning Momentum™: Hug Now. Don’t Save It.

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David

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Hug Now.  Don’t Save It. ©

Recently I arrived home from the office, and my dad was standing in the driveway.  Dad is 6’2” and wears a full beard.  Dad was talking to two pro football-sized construction workers.  As I approached them, they all turned and looked at me.  I said, “Hi Dad.  Hey guys.”  I then stepped forward, shook my dad’s hand, pulled him into me, hugged him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  I then walked into the house.

A Family Ritual

For three generations my family has done the same thing.  We kiss and hug when we see each other.  We kiss and hug when we say goodbye.  And we don’t care who is watching.  My parents taught me through their example.  My grandmother reinforced this practice by what she said to me thirty-two years ago.

Nana’s Lesson

I was 9 years old.  It was wintertime in Milwaukee.  My family was leaving Northridge Shopping Mall after a movie.  Mom, Dad, my brother Mike, and my grandparents were there.  And I was mad at my dad.  I still have no idea why.  But I know that I was mad.  I was pouting and I wasn’t talking to him.

It was snowing that night and the temperature was below freezing.  Dad told us to wait inside the mall so that he could warm up the van and pull it up to the front door.

That’s when Nana came up to me and said, “Your father loves you and you love him.  Don’t go to bed angry at him.  Kiss and hug him before you go to bed tonight.  Tell him that you love him.  You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Few words have had such an impact on me as those of my grandmother that night:  “You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Don’t Miss Your Opportunity

Dawn and I recently attended the funeral of a colleague’s father who had passed away of a major heart attack.  His son was eulogizing him.  He said that one minute his father was talking; the next minute he was gone.  My colleague was respectful of his father and he recalled good times.  And then he said something that deeply saddened us: “I never did hear my father say that he loved me.”

My mother taught us that you hug, kiss, and say that you love someone when you wake up, when you go to bed, before you leave the house, and before you hang up the phone.

Psychology researchers have long talked about the importance of feeling a “secure attachment” to the ones you love.  You need to feel confident and secure in another’s love for you; the positive impact of this in your life is far reaching.  Demonstrating affection and saying what’s in your heart is the best way to nourish your most cherished relationships.

Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football League, lost his 18 year-old son, James, almost three years ago.  Eulogizing his son, Coach Dungy said that he had last seen his son at Thanksgiving.  They had said goodbye before James left for the airport.  Coach Dungy knew that he would see his son again soon; he did not think much about the casual way they said goodbye.

But Coach Dungy never did see his son again.  Coach Dungy said, “I never got to hug him again.  That’s one thing I’ll always think about and always remind people to do:  Hug ‘em every chance you get.”

My Dad is now 78.  He just visited me in my office.  I hugged and kissed him when he arrived.  I hugged and kissed him when he left.  My grandmother would be proud.

This Week

Take an inventory of the important people in your life.  Who do you love, but have not told recently?

Choose at least one of these important people and tell them how much they mean to you, and how much you love them.  And if it’s possible to see them in person this week, make sure to give them a hug; it could be one of the most important things you will ever do.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Women with Belief™ Series: Notes from an Opera Singer.©

Mom was an opera singer who could sing high C’s beautifully.  And she had the chance to sing them often. 

A Leading Soprano

Mom was a leading soprano with The National Opera Company, and with The Community Concert Series of Columbia Artists after her undergraduate and graduate studies at the New England Conservatory of Music.  Her repertoire included Verdi, Puccini, Mozart, Gounod, Massenet, Hayden, and Handel.  Mom also toured Europe for the State Department to entertain the troops.  And in 1956 she was presented with a certificate of esteem signed by the United States Secretary of Defense, C.E. Wilson, “…for patriotic service in providing entertainment to members of the armed forces in Europe.”

How to sing a high C

I asked Mom recently how she was able to consistently sing a high C.  She said, “You already have to believe it’s there.  And once you believe it is, you have to find a way to let all negative thoughts go so that you can sing your high C.”

Daniel J. Wakin wrote about the high C last year in his article, “The Note that Makes Us Weep.”  Wakin quotes Craig Rutenberg, The Metropolitan Opera’s director of musical administration, “It is the absolute summit of technique.  More than anywhere else in your voice, you have to know what you’re doing.  To me it signals a self-confidence in the singer that lets him communicate to us that he knows what he’s doing and he has something very important to express with that note.” 

When I was growing up in Milwaukee, my parents formed their own singing act, The Pollays.  They performed across the United States and Canada with stars like Joey Bishop, Shecky Green, Myron Cohen, Mark Russell, Morey Amsterdam, Rich Little, and David Brenner.  My brother and I often had the opportunity to travel with them. 

Singing under pressure

I remember one particular performance.  Mom had the flu.  And just minutes before being introduced on stage, Mom was throwing up in the bathroom. 

I asked Mom how she was able to sing that day.  She said, “I always had a belief that I could sing under almost any circumstances.  No matter how sick I was, if I could stand up, then I could sing.”  Mom continued, “You believe you can do it.  You practice every day.  You know you have the technique.  You just have to concentrate and believe it is in you.”  And not only did she make it through the show, Mom and Dad received a standing ovation.

The power of belief

In a chapter on self-efficacy beliefs for the Handbook of Positive Psychology, James Maddux, professor of Psychology at George Mason University wrote, “The truth is that believing that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish is one of the most important ingredients – perhaps the most important ingredient – in the recipe for success.” 

How did a girl from Augusta, Maine become an opera singer? 

Mom said, “My belief was that I could sing and that everyone wanted to hear me sing from the time I was three years old.  My mother used to say that I woke up singing with the birds before anyone else in the family was up…and I sang all day.” 

The power of passion

“There was always singing in my home,” said Mom.  “On Sunday nights we listened to the Firestone Hour.  We heard opera, operetta, and other beautiful music.  I dreamed and I believed that I could sing as well as the stars could and that some day I would sing opera and be well-known.  I bought sheet music and imitated all those famous singers, and the singers in the movies.” 

Mom turned her talent and her interest into a successful singing career that spanned five decades and took her around the world.  Mom’s beliefs gave her the drive and courage to accomplish something very few people do.  She became a professional singer.  She sang opera.  And she could sing the high C’s.

Monday Morning Momentum™: Don’t Play Email Lottery

                                    

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David 

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Don’t Play Email LotteryÓ                                                                                   

How It Starts

After I waved goodbye to Dawn and the girls as they headed off to school, I went back into the house, grabbed my cup of tea, and sat down at the computer.  I went straight to my four email accounts and started reading all the email that had arrived over night.  Thirty minutes later, I had responded to just a third of them: I had to stop to drive to my office in time for a meeting.  But as I made my way downtown, I was still thinking about the emails I had read, but not answered.  I was not focusing my energy and creativity on my goals for the day.  I had broken my rule.

How many of you do this every day?  How many of you sit down at your computer and say, “Let’s see what I have waiting for me today?”  And when you’re honest with yourself, you catch yourself hoping that the emails are not delivering bad news or problems for you.  Most of you follow this routine from time to time, and many of you do it every day.

Other People’s Priorities

And here’s what you’re doing.  You are downloading other people’s priorities.  You go into your day without a plan.  You have not committed to an agenda.  You bow to the concerns of others, regardless of their relative importance.

Other People’s Moods

And each email comes with an attachment:  the mood of the sender.  Senders always convey their moods in their messages:  They transmit their worries, anxieties, frustrations, anger, and impatience. Thankfully, some senders also communicate joy, gratitude, optimism, and excitement.

But hoping that good news will appear each time you open your email is like playing the lottery:  You secretly hope one of the emails is holding your winning ticket number.   

Now, there’s nothing wrong with email:  It is a vital form of communication.  It allows us to connect with people all over the world inexpensively and almost instantly.

Losing Your Focus

The challenge is that if you have not outlined what you must accomplish during the day to advance your goals and dreams, you will get caught up in everyone else’s priorities.  You will push “your goals” off to another day while you handle the requests of others.  Following this strategy you will never build the momentum you need to live your best possible life.

The Impact On Others

And it’s not just about you.  When you fail to make progress in the key areas of your life, you feel frustrated and disappointed.  And when you feel this way, you create a wave of negative energy that touches many people: Your colleagues, your customers, your friends, and your family will be affected by your negative emotions.

This Week

Follow my rule instead:  Have a plan before you open your email.

Each day this week grab your morning beverage and review your goals.  And then ask these questions:

(1)    What’s important to you? 

(2)    What will help you move closer to achieving your best possible life? 

(3)    And what must you accomplish to delight your customers, and satisfy your stakeholders? 

Then look at your week and set your priorities for each day.  Then come up with a list of people you must call, and people you must email.  And decide on the best order to complete these tasks.

Then with your plan in hand, it’s safe to open your email.  You can determine if anything has arrived that trumps something on your priority list.  If it does, slide it into place.  If it does not warrant your immediate attention, wait until the end of the day to respond.

Respect your own priorities.  Believe your goals are worth pursuing.  And remember that there are people counting on you to succeed. 

Don’t play email lottery.  Set your own agenda and enjoy every day.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Change Your Seat. Change Your Life.

Everyone in life should be known for at least one quote.  I have one that I would like to share with you.  But first let me tell you a story.

Day 1

Seven years ago I attended a three-day leadership conference in San Francisco.  The first morning I arrived a few minutes early.  There must have been a hundred people in the room.  Many people were already sitting in their seats, and others were drinking coffee at the back of the room.  But all had staked a claim on a seat for the day.  There was just one chair left; I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for it. 

The first day of the conference was good, and it was interesting to talk with the people around my table. 

Day 2

The second day I left the house a little earlier so that I could sit in another part of the room and meet new people.  The roads were pretty clear that morning; I arrived thirty minutes ahead of time.  I put my bag down on a seat at a new table.  Then I went to the back of the room to get a cup of coffee.

Watching people arrive, I noticed that they were returning to the same seats that they had been sitting in the day before.  I thought it was a bit curious, but I kept to my coffee and conversation.  When it was time to take our seats, I looked around as I walked to my chair.  And guess what I saw?  Everyone in the room was in the same seat as they had been on day one, that is, except two people:  me, and a young man who was glaring at me for taking his seat.  Out of 100 people, I was the only one who changed his seat on purpose! 

As I had planned, I learned a lot from the people around my new table.  I had another good day. 

Day 3

Day three came and my plan was the same: I left early from home so that I could arrive in time to choose a new seat in another part of the conference room.  Unfortunately, traffic that morning was bumper to bumper; my buffer time was lost on the highway.  I arrived with five minutes to spare before the session started.

I ran up the hotel stairs and opened the door to our meeting room.  And what did I see?  Everyone in the room was back in the seat they had chosen on day one, including the unhappy young man whose seat I had taken the day prior.  He was smiling at me as I settled into my original seat.  He had the grin of victory all over his face.  And the people I had met on day one – again sitting next to me – said, “Welcome home.” Everyone was so pleased that they had kept their original seat.

It was at that moment I was reminded that most people don’t like to change.  Most people prefer to stay in the same seat in life:  They would rather be comfortable than extend themselves to meet new people and try new things. 

Quote

So now it’s time for my quote.  Here it is.  “Most people sit in the same seat and expect life to come to them.  Be different.  Change your seat and you will come to life.” 

Be willing to change your perspective.  Be interested in other people.  Be open to new ideas.  The most successful people I know constantly challenge themselves.  They talk to people with different ideas and they try new things. 

So today my question to you is, “Where are you sitting?”  Better than that, “Are you going to change your seat?”