David J. Pollay's Blog

Create Your Own “Happy Hour” – Serve 3 for 1 Gratitude

Monday Morning Momentum™ with David J. Pollay – February 23, 2009

It was almost two years ago and I had just returned from a family vacation.  I sat down at the computer to read my email.  I had “unplugged” for a few days.  I was hoping that no big issues were waiting for me.  I started flipping through each one quickly.  I was on the hunt for anything bad. 

You know that feeling.  It’s great to take a vacation, but you’re afraid to return to a welcome party of problems.

After reading through about eighty email, I had not found any bad news.  It was interesting to me, however, that I did not feel good about it.  I did not even feel relieved.  I felt mostly empty – the kind of feeling that leads you to grab a quart of ice cream and sit in front of the TV. 

It was then that I woke up.  I said, “What am I thinking?!  I just missed an opportunity!”  I was so focused on searching for the bad, I was blind to the good.  Much of the email I had received was actually full of positive news.   

A new way

So that night I started doing something differently.  And I have been recommending it to others ever since.  I call it “Serve 3 for 1 Gratitude.”  Here’s how it works. 

When you receive good news – via email, voicemail, or in-person – stop and quickly think of three things that you are grateful for as a result of that news.  Serving 3 for 1 Gratitude makes you pause to take in the good news and recognize the positive impact it has on you; you become more aware of all the people who help make these good things happen.

Countering nature

Why is this important?  Consider the research of Florida State psychologist Roy Baumeister.  He found that people remember bad things more often than good things.  If we do nothing to counter this, we are more likely to recall the bad in our lives. 

If you’re not sure Baumeister is right, think about this.  How many good drivers did you see this week?  How many times did you receive good service?  How many times did people send helpful email to you?  If you’re like most people and you remember anything at all, it’s probably not great.

Serving 3 for 1 Gratitude helps us combat our tendency to explain away or even dismiss the good things that happen in our lives.  Positive Psychology co-founder Martin Seligman wrote in his book Authentic Happiness, “Finding permanent and universal causes of good events…is the art of hope.”  This is key. 

When we explore the good events in our lives, we recognize how much help we have received from others.  Psychology researcher Phillip Watkins found in his experiments that when you induce people’s gratitude, you can increase their positive emotion and ultimately their happiness.

The power of the ratio

In another series of studies, psychology researchers Barbara Frederickson and Marcial Losada found that when business teams communicate with each other in a ratio of three positive, and constructive comments to every negative, and unproductive comment, they are predictably more successful.  Psychologist John Gottman found in his research that newly married couples who communicate in a ratio of five positive comments to every negative comment have happier and longer marriages. 

Serving 3 for 1 Gratitude gives you a chance to recognize and amplify the good things in your life, feel positive about them, and experience gratitude for the people who are helping to make your good life possible.  You get to savor the good in your life.  Reflecting on the research of Loyola Psychologist Fred Bryant, Chris Peterson wrote in A Primer in Positive Psychology, “those who habitually savor are indeed happier and more satisfied in general with life, more optimistic, and less depressed than those who do not savor.”

Your opportunity

The next time you find yourself skipping over, or discounting good news you’ll know what to do.  Take ten seconds to lock in the positive.  Match each piece of good news with three related things for which you are grateful, or people for whom you are grateful. 

Think of the impact it will have on your mood and attitude at the office, in the community, and at home.  You’ll be creating your own “happy hour” every time you serve yourself 3 for 1 Gratitude. 

Appreciate the good in your life.  Be a regular at the “Gratitude Bar.”

Invite your family and friends to join you

If you want your family, friends, and colleagues to join us on our Monday Morning Momentum™ journey, send this post along to them. 

Have a great week! 

Best to you,

David

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Keep Your Plan in Your Hands, Not in Your Drawer

Monday Morning Momentum™ with David J. Pollay – February 16, 2009

I learned many years ago how hard it is to stick to a plan. 

 

I had just started my new job at MasterCard in New York City.  I was attending my first strategic planning meeting.  All the top leaders of the division were there.  Bill was one of them (name changed for this story).

 

In the middle of the morning session, Bill yelled out, “Why are we wasting so much time on this plan?!  You know where we’re going to put it after the meeting?!”

 

Not afraid to speak his mind, Bill answered his own question:  “It’s going to go in the drawer with all the other plans!” 

 

Was Bill right?

 

There are two conclusions we might draw from this story:  (1) The plan wasn’t good, or (2) no one really looks at plans. 

 

In our case the plan was good.  All our top leaders participated in the planning meeting.  Every department was represented.  We had customer feedback, consultant input, and an extensive review of our opportunities and threats in the marketplace.  The plan was good.

 

But Bill was right.  Many people did not look at the plan again.

 

Why?  The answer was simple.  They forgot about the plan.  They left the plan in the drawer, not in their hands. 

 

So, how do we know if our plans will work if we don’t remember them? 

 

What makes a good plan?

 

A good plan points us in the right direction.  It’s a guide to achieving our goals based on what we know today.  And when our information changes, we should review our plan and adjust it as needed. 

 

The most successful leaders write all over their plans.  They scratch out what is out of date and they scribble in what needs to be added.  Then they communicate the changes to everyone who needs to know; they build support for the changes, and ask for help in achieving them.

 

Our future

 

Anthropologist Lionel Tiger of Rutgers University says that a good plan affects our “mood or attitude” about the future.  If we believe that we have a plan that will work, we are more optimistic.  Our attitude is more positive. 

 

The late University of Kansas positive psychologist, Rick Snyder, found in his research that hope is directly connected to the belief that we can achieve our goals.  Our goals encourage us to do things each day that are important to our future.  We create our future by acting today.

 

Keep your plan in your hands not in your drawer.  I know Bill would be impressed.

This week

Pull out your plan for this year.  Review it to make sure it outlines the key steps you need to take to achieve your goals.  If you’re not sure of something, ask for help.  You’ll know your plan is ready when you believe it will work, and you’re excited to make it happen.

 

Don’t have a plan?  Start by writing down what you would like to accomplish this year.  What are you committed to achieving?  What’s important to you?  And answer this question:   If you had the resources, help, and time, what would you do?  Then sketch out a plan to get the resources, help, and time you need to succeed.

 

And have fun with it!  We may have a long way to go, but if we’re focusing on what matters to us, the effort is worth it, meaningful, and gratifying.

 

Enjoy!  And let me know how it goes.

 

Invite your family and friends to join us

 

If you want your family, friends, and colleagues to join us on our Monday Morning Momentum™ journey, send this post along to them. 

 

Have a great week! 

 

Best to you,

David

 

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Start With What’s Good. Focus on Strengths.

Monday Morning Momentum™ with David J. Pollay – February 9, 2009

                                                                  

Imagine that you arrive home after a long day at work.  Your spouse is waiting for you.  He asks you to grab a cup of coffee and to meet him in the home office.  You do what he asks, and you find him sitting across the desk waiting for you to take your seat.  You sit down and he says, “I’ve been thinking about your performance over the last six months and I’ve come up with a list of things you need to improve.  Let me run down the list, and let’s come up with a development plan.”

 

Your reaction

 

And what would be your response? “What the - #?@!  Are you kidding me?!  After all I do around here, this is how you show your appreciation!  You have a “list” for me?!” 

If you’re like anyone I know, you wouldn’t be happy. 

 

The question is, “Would this ever really happen?”  The answer:  It happens in companies every day.  Many managers focus on what’s bad about employees, not what’s good.  And it’s not all their fault.  Why?  This is what they have been taught:  Focus on the weaknesses of an employee and they will get better. 

 

Well, they’ve been taught wrong.  Why would this strategy succeed at work and fail miserably at home?  It won’t.  We resent unbalanced feedback, and we feel shortchanged, and unappreciated when our managers, or loved ones put the spotlight only on our faults.

 

The research

 

This is a serious issue in business.  Do you know why most employees leave companies?  If you answered money, try again.  Money consistently comes in third place or lower.  Research shows that this is the number one answer:  “I left because of my boss.” 

 

The late Don Clifton, former CEO of the Gallup Organization, and Jim Harter, Gallup's Chief Scientist, discovered in their research that “the greatest gains in human development are based on investment in what people do best.”  Martin Seligman, co-founder of the science of Positive Psychology, has found in his studies that people who engage their strengths are more successful, and they are happier.

 

Shaquille O’Neill

 

Consider the Miami Heat, the 2006 champions of the NBA.  Shaquille O’Neill is one of the worst free-throw shooters in the history of the NBA, yet he led the Heat to their first championship ever.  Did Miami win by O’Neill increasing his free-throw shooting percentage by just under 1% (he went from 46.1% to 46.9%), or did they do it by leveraging his talent and letting other players, like Dwayne Wade, bring out their best game? 

 

We know the answers.  Success comes when people do what they do best.  If we don’t get this, we’ll be the reason our employees leave our companies.  We’ll be the reason our children don’t want to talk to us.  Focusing only on weaknesses leads to bad results. 

 

My Strengths Feedback Plan

 

So, what can you do right now if you’re a manager or a parent?

Follow my Strengths Feedback Plan:

 

(1)     Start by looking for what your employees, or your children do well. 

a.       What do they love to do? 

b.       When do they succeed? 

c.       What strengths do they use most? 

(2)     Give them more opportunities to use those strengths.  Look for ways that they can apply them. 

(3)     Partner them with people who can help them do their best even better, and work around their lesser strengths. 

(4)     And don’t forget to tell them, “I know what you do around here, and I appreciate it.” 

 

Imagine what your company would be like, and what your family would be like, if everyone focused first on what’s good.

This week

This week let’s focus on one relationship at home, and one at work.  With each person, follow the Strengths Feedback Plan I outlined above. 

 

Spend the week strategically thinking about their strengths.  How can they better use them?  How can you better appreciate their strengths?  And how can you get them the help they need so that their lesser strengths don’t become weaknesses? 

 

Enjoy your week focusing on strengths! 

 

Invite your family and friends to join us

 

And if you want your family, friends, and colleagues to join us on our Monday Morning Momentum™ journey, send this post along to them. 

 

Have a great week! 

 

Enjoy!

 

Best to you,

David

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Does Really Good Service Matter?

Monday Morning Momentum™ with David J. Pollay

I learned two key things while building and running large customer service organizations. First, good service is "sticky." It keeps you attached to a company's products and services. You're more loyal to companies that treat you well.

Second, people talk. It used to be said that if you had a bad customer service experience you would tell seven people. The internet changed that; the stakes are a lot higher. Today we have blogs, email, podcasts, chat, clubs, online groups, instant messaging, message boards, text messaging, YouTube, Facebook, LinkedIn, My Space, Twitter, and more. Now, one bad service experience can be shared with thousands of people instantly. The same is true for positive experiences; good news can be shared quickly and globally.

Here's an example of service worth talking about.

On the Beach

Dawn and I were celebrating our second wedding anniversary in Kauai, Hawaii. We were staying at the Grand Hyatt Resort. On the second day of the vacation, we decided to go for a swim together.

When we finished our dip in the ocean, we went back to our cabana and started to towel off. Suddenly Dawn cried out, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!"

Dawn was looking down at her hand. The two-carat diamond on her engagement ring was gone. Two prongs were bent and two others were missing.

Dawn was crying, and I did my best to comfort her.

I said, "We'll get another ring.... It's just a symbol of what we have.… What we have is each other … and that's all that matters."

Don't get me wrong, I really liked that ring—it was hard to find and even harder to pay for. But, now, it was lost in the sand.  

Needing Help

Although I was pretty sure Dawn’s diamond was gone forever, I asked Yvette, a hotel manager, for help searching for it. To my surprise, Yvette immediately rounded up a small search party. Five of her team members came with her to help us look for the ring.

Together we retraced our steps and combed the sand inch by inch around our cabana. After more than an hour, I called off the search. We tried our best, but the task was too great. While the ring had sentimental value, I knew the ring was insured. But our vacation wasn't. We needed to put the lost ring behind us.

The Call

Now, here’s the rest of our story.  Four days after we returned home, Dawn received a call.

“Mrs. Pollay. This is Yvette from the Hyatt in Kauai."”

“Hi Yvette. How are you?” Dawn remembered her from the hotel.

“Mrs. Pollay, I have good news.”

Yvette paused. Dawn waited.

“We found your diamond!”

“What?!” Dawn jumped out of her chair. “Are you serious?! I can’t believe it!”

“We did!” Yvette exclaimed.

“That’s incredible!” Dawn was thrilled. “How did you find it?!”

“Mrs. Pollay, when you thought we had stopped looking, we kept searching,” Yvette explained. “We figured out your schedule. We knew more or less when you came to the beach each day and when you left. So, before you arrived and after you left we would go out and search. We continued searching after you returned home to California. And this morning we found your diamond.”

“Yvette, that’s unbelievable. You guys are amazing! Thank you so much.”

“Our pleasure, Mrs. Pollay.” Yvette was humble, but proud of her team’s effort and success.

Yvette said, “We sent your diamond to the jewelers to get it cleaned up, even though the sand actually did a pretty good job.”

Dawn and Yvette both laughed.

“Mrs. Pollay, it’s now in a pouch, safely wrapped up, ready to be sent to you. Where would you like us to send it?”

Dawn called me immediately at work after she hung up with Yvette and told me the whole story. I couldn’t believe it. They actually found our diamond.

I was relieved and excited to have the diamond back. I had searched long and hard for it. I had saved up to buy it. I thought it was perfect for Dawn. Most importantly, it was the diamond I gave to her when I asked her to marry me.

Service that Matters

Dawn and I were blown away. We had neither experienced nor witnessed such incredible service. It meant a lot to us that Yvette and her team went to such lengths to find our diamond. We felt emotionally connected to Yvette, her team, and the Grand Hyatt. We were so grateful. And we matched our words of gratitude with a significant gift that we sent to Yvette and each of her team members.

Did Yvette and her team’s extraordinary effort matter to the Hyatt Hotel chain? It did and it does. Here are two reasons why. First, because of the great service we experienced, Dawn and I have chosen Hyatt Hotels for more of our trips.

Second, Dawn and I have told this story to hundreds of people in person and to thousands more through my writing, seminars, and speeches. Every time we tell the story we are promoting Hyatt Hotels. There is no better form of advertising than our personal story.

When employees offer incredible customer service, it makes a difference.

Oh, and our ring, it now has six prongs!

 

Copyright 2009 David J. Pollay

Invite your family and friends to join you

If you want your family, friends, and colleagues to join us on our Monday Morning Momentum™ journey, send this post along to them. 

Have a great week! 

Best to you,

David

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Sign up

And remember you can sign up for my newsletter Momentum Minutes™, right here.

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David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book, Beware of Garbage Trucks!™, is due out this summer. 

David is the founder and president of the consulting and seminar organization, The Momentum Project.  He is also a founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA).  If you want to reprint one of David’s columns, email david@themomentumproject.com.  Here’s David’s full bio.