The Goal of the Hallway

Monday Morning Momentum™ 

The church was full.  Relatives packed the front pews.  Friends filled in behind them.  Religious, business, and community leaders were there.  A journalist was quietly taking notes.  Everyone came to honor his life.

Family members stepped to the pulpit to share their memories.  Leaders followed with their tributes.  He was an impressive man.

The service ended.  Beautiful music was playing; I lingered.  I thought about the impact he had had on so many people.  I walked out of the sanctuary. 

On the way to the reception, I saw a group of family members; they were standing together in the long church hallway.  They were talking quietly.  No one else was around. 

I walked over to them.  They looked up as I approached. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said.  

The one nearest to me said, “Thank you.” 

“He was a special man,” I said.  “He did so much for the community.” 

He turned to his family.  He looked back at me, and said, “You know, many of the stories people told today were new to us.  The public knew a different man.  They saw a different side of him.” 

I didn’t know what to say.

They looked at each other.  Then he said, “We loved him.  We were proud of him.” 

They all nodded. 

“We just wish that he’d been around more.”

We talked briefly, and then we said goodbye. 

I wasn’t in the mood to go to the reception.  I walked outside to the church garden, found a bench in the corner, and sat down.  With my forearms resting on my legs, I looked down at the ground.  I kept thinking about what the family had said.  And then I faded off into a daydream.   

Pebbles stirred on the garden path.  Someone was approaching.  I looked up.  A man wearing a brown custodian’s uniform was walking towards me.  He looked to be just a few years away from retirement.

“Are you here for the funeral?" He said as he drew close. 

“Yes,” I said.

“Are you part of the family?”

“No.  We worked together in the community.”

“How was the funeral?” 

“It was nice.  Lots of loving eulogies and tributes.” 

He looked directly at me.  “But something’s on your mind,” he said.

I nodded.

“I’ve taken care of this church for 37 years.  I’ve seen thousands of funerals.  They’re never easy.” 

He smiled gently, and sat down at the end of the bench.  “What happened?”

I told him about my visit with the family.  “It seemed that the eulogies told one story, and the family, in private, told me another.”    

“I’ve seen this before – too many times,” he said.

Then he reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.  He searched through it until he found a small, worn, folded piece of paper.  He gently spread it open. 

“After working here so many years, I see funerals a little differently than most people,” he said.  “I wrote this many years ago.  It’s sort of a poem.  I call it, ‘The Goal of the Hallway.’” 

I watched him look back down and begin to read.

“The mark of my life will be what is said in the hallway, not in the sanctuary. 

So, I will focus on what matters.

If you are my family, I will show you my love.

If you are my friend, I will be there for you. 

If you are my colleague, I will support you.

I will focus on what matters.

While I’m grateful for what is said about me in public,

it’s what is said in the hallway that counts.”

“That’s it,” he said, as he folded up the piece of paper and tucked it back in his wallet. 

He stood up. 

“Thanks,” I said looking at him. 

He smiled, turned and walked away. 

Just then I was startled by the sound of a door closing.  I looked up.  I realized I had been dreaming.  I looked at my watch.  I was late for the reception.  I had to go, but before I got up, I pulled out a pen and wrote down, “The Goal of the Hallway.” 

I would focus on what matters. 

How about you? 

Copyright 2009 David J. Pollay

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Best to you,

David

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David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book, Beware of Garbage Trucks!™, is due out this summer. 

David is the founder and president of the consulting and seminar organization, The Momentum Project.  He is also a founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA).  If you want to reprint one of David’s columns, email dawn@themomentumproject.com.  Here’s David’s full bio.

Comments

[David J. Pollay]

Thanks, Debbie! You're so right. Well said. Great to hear from you.

Have a wonderful week!

David

[Debbi Willis]

I would add the following line right before the "so I will focus on what really matters...

I care not for the accolades of my work
if my spouse & family cannot recall my love, respect & time.

This is a wonderful poem to remind folks it's the unseen parts that matter most. Thanks!

[David J. Pollay]

Thanks, Lil. It's an honor for me to share this journey with you and the rest of our readers.

Best to you,

David

[Lil]

David, you continue to inspire me and I believe you have a profound effect on all your readers. There is a spiritual quality to your writing and a powerful message in this story . Thanks David

[David J. Pollay]

Hi Flora,

It's always great to hear from you. Thanks for your support.

Hugs,

David

[Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.]

David,

You did it again. You took a common event--the funeral--and with your keen power of observation and excellent storytelling, extracted a lesson of life from which we can benefit.