David J. Pollay's Blog

Monday Morning Momentum™: Hug Now. Don’t Save It.

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum!  Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David

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Hug Now.  Don’t Save It. ©

Recently I arrived home from the office, and my dad was standing in the driveway.  Dad is 6’2” and wears a full beard.  Dad was talking to two pro football-sized construction workers.  As I approached them, they all turned and looked at me.  I said, “Hi Dad.  Hey guys.”  I then stepped forward, shook my dad’s hand, pulled him into me, hugged him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  I then walked into the house.

A Family Ritual

For three generations my family has done the same thing.  We kiss and hug when we see each other.  We kiss and hug when we say goodbye.  And we don’t care who is watching.  My parents taught me through their example.  My grandmother reinforced this practice by what she said to me thirty-two years ago.

Nana’s Lesson

I was 9 years old.  It was wintertime in Milwaukee.  My family was leaving Northridge Shopping Mall after a movie.  Mom, Dad, my brother Mike, and my grandparents were there.  And I was mad at my dad.  I still have no idea why.  But I know that I was mad.  I was pouting and I wasn’t talking to him.

It was snowing that night and the temperature was below freezing.  Dad told us to wait inside the mall so that he could warm up the van and pull it up to the front door.

That’s when Nana came up to me and said, “Your father loves you and you love him.  Don’t go to bed angry at him.  Kiss and hug him before you go to bed tonight.  Tell him that you love him.  You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Few words have had such an impact on me as those of my grandmother that night:  “You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”

Don’t Miss Your Opportunity

Dawn and I recently attended the funeral of a colleague’s father who had passed away of a major heart attack.  His son was eulogizing him.  He said that one minute his father was talking; the next minute he was gone.  My colleague was respectful of his father and he recalled good times.  And then he said something that deeply saddened us: “I never did hear my father say that he loved me.”

My mother taught us that you hug, kiss, and say that you love someone when you wake up, when you go to bed, before you leave the house, and before you hang up the phone.

Psychology researchers have long talked about the importance of feeling a “secure attachment” to the ones you love.  You need to feel confident and secure in another’s love for you; the positive impact of this in your life is far reaching.  Demonstrating affection and saying what’s in your heart is the best way to nourish your most cherished relationships.

Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts of the National Football League, lost his 18 year-old son, James, almost three years ago.  Eulogizing his son, Coach Dungy said that he had last seen his son at Thanksgiving.  They had said goodbye before James left for the airport.  Coach Dungy knew that he would see his son again soon; he did not think much about the casual way they said goodbye.

But Coach Dungy never did see his son again.  Coach Dungy said, “I never got to hug him again.  That’s one thing I’ll always think about and always remind people to do:  Hug ‘em every chance you get.”

My Dad is now 78.  He just visited me in my office.  I hugged and kissed him when he arrived.  I hugged and kissed him when he left.  My grandmother would be proud.

This Week

Take an inventory of the important people in your life.  Who do you love, but have not told recently?

Choose at least one of these important people and tell them how much they mean to you, and how much you love them.  And if it’s possible to see them in person this week, make sure to give them a hug; it could be one of the most important things you will ever do.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family, colleagues and friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutesä, right here.

Momentum Makes Life Better.©

Life is good.  We should be grateful for our lives every day.  We should find joy in our lives.  Believe this.  Remember this.

And momentum makes life better.

Momentum is powerful. Momentum requires more than just being “good.”  Your momentum depends on your ability to maintain what is good in your life and then build upon it.  The core of momentum is an appreciation of what you have, and a commitment to your continued growth.

Success and happiness depend on momentum.  Success and happiness begin with an understanding of what is right in your life, a desire to care for it, and a belief that you can do better.  Momentum does not allow for procrastination, backsliding, and giving up.  Momentum is all about action. 

Momentum requires you to use your resources to achieve more of what you value and enjoy. You must strive to learn more, love more, care more, try more, and experience more.  Your happiness and success rely on your positive momentum. Nineteenth century Swiss writer, Gottfried Keller said it best:  "We don't remain good if we don't always strive to become better."

Do you understand momentum?

Answer these questions to find out.

• Think about a game or contest you participated in – sports, school, or business – during your life.  Was it easier to score points when you were on a roll, or when you were just doing okay?
• Think back to when you were single (or if you’re single now, pay attention).  When were you most attractive to others?  Was it when you were dating regularly, or when you were not dating anyone.
• If you have ever been in sales, is it easier to make a sale after you have established relationships with potential customers, or when you are just meeting them for the first time?
• If you’re a parent, is it easier to get your children to talk about something that’s bothering them, or to keep them talking once they open up?
• If you’re a student, is it easier to start writing a paper, or to keep writing once you are in flow?
• If you have ever tried to lose weight, was it easier to start the diet, or to stick to it once you started losing weight?

You know the answers:  You do better when you’re already in action.  Getting started is always the hardest part.  Momentum makes life better.

If you’re competing, dating, selling, parenting, studying, or dieting, you want momentum.  You don’t wait for success to happen.  And you don’t sit on success once you have it: You maintain your success and you build upon it.  And when you have momentum you want people to know that you’re on a mission.  You want them on your team. You want their help.  You want their support.  And when you have momentum, people are more likely to help you.  And better yet, they want you on their team. 

Momentum feels good

Remember how momentum feels.  You feel powerful.  You feel great.  You feel confident.  You feel unstoppable.  And the beauty of momentum is that it is contagious.  When you achieve momentum in one area of your life, it is easier to achieve it in other areas of your life.  And when you experience momentum, the people around you benefit:  You give yourself, and everyone in your life, the best you have.

Einstein said, “Objects at rest have no momentum.” So, think about everything that is important to you.  And ask yourself, “Am I moving?” 

Remember life is good.  And momentum makes life better.  Get moving, and enjoy your best possible life.

A “Gratitude Moment:” The Letter

I checked on Dawn and the girls.  Dawn was sleeping.  And Eliana and Ariela were sprawled across our bed fast asleep.  We let them stay up a little later than usual (sometimes we let them fall asleep on our bed, and then I carry them upstairs to their rooms).

As I was heading from our bedroom to the kitchen, I stopped in the foyer to look at two pieces of mail that were opened and sitting on a shelf.  I reached for the one on top.  It was a letter.  It was addressed to Dawn.  I read the first two lines.

“Thank you for your recent visit to our facility.  Your digital mammogram shows no evidence of cancer.”

I stopped.  I didn’t read the rest of the letter.  I just thought about what it could have said.  And then I thought about all the other letters that were opened today, and the letters that would be opened tomorrow.  Many thousands of women would be blessed with good news.  I also thought about all the women around the world who had received or will receive the news they fear most.

Then I had what I call a “gratitude moment.”

I stopped what I was doing and I headed to a window.  I looked outside and took in the big world.  And I said thank you.  Thank you for blessing the health of my wife, children, parents, and all of my family.  Thank you for caring for my friends and colleagues.  And I said thank you for everything that is good in my life.

I know letters and phone calls could come at any time with news I would never want to hear.  So, when I am reminded of the good in my life, I stop and say thank you.  I want to always appreciate the abundance in my life.

Would you join me this weekend on a special journey?

This weekend look for the reminders of the good in your life.  And when you find them, stop and say thanks.  You have much to celebrate in your life.

And let us all send our blessings to the people who opened a different letter.

Even in Tragedy: The Power of Positive Triggers

Even in Tragedy: The Power of Positive Triggers

You know my “Sticker Story” (Read it here if you don’t.)  You understand the power of positive emotion: It can help you in most every circumstance in life, even in tragedy.

A Brave Example

In a New York Times article, “Survivors In China Sift Rubble for the Past,” Edward Wong wrote about the survivors of the Chinese earthquake and how they were trying to piece their lives back together.  He wrote:

Sang Yuping spreads out a half-dozen photographs on a mattress in the tent that was given to her by the government.  Across the road lie the remains of her one-story home.  Long wooden planks protrude from the pile at every angle like whale bones.

There on the mattress is a photo of her daughter, her son and his wife.  It is April. They are smiling and dressed in Tibetan robes and dancing at a festival at a primary school here, weeks before the school is to collapse and kill most of the children inside.

“This is the thing I was happiest to see,” said Ms. Sang, 54, a corn and soybean farmer.  “I lost everything in the earthquake, and when I found these photos, I felt better.  Because from these photos, I can see what life was like before the earthquake.”

She added, “I look at these photos when I’m sad.”

In the aftermath of a horrific tragedy that no one should ever have to face, Sang Yuping teaches us again about the power of what I call “Positive Triggers.”  Her brave example reminds us that there is always something available to us to help give us courage and lift our spirits.

What Are Your Positive Triggers?

What positive triggers do you have available to you to help you make it through the worst of times and to thrive during the best of times?  Use Positive Triggers everyday to help you live your best possible life.

My prayers are with Sang Yuping and with all those that are suffering around the world.

Find Your Voice. Tap Your Strengths.

It was 1977 and I was in the sixth grade. I joined the Boy’s Choir. I really didn’t like singing in choirs, but I joined anyway. All my friends had signed up, so I did too.

I can still remember our two performances. I stood in the back row of the choir and mumbled my way through most of the songs. Why? I didn’t know all the words. So I sang the choruses and smiled a lot.

How many of us mumble and stumble through life? We just go through the motions. We’re not happy with our performance, but we continue anyway. Will we ever be good at what we’re doing? More importantly, will we ever be happy if we stick with the things we’re not passionate about?

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., of the University of Pennsylvania and Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., of Claremont Graduate University – the co-founders of Positive Psychology – wrote that people do their best when they focus on “identifying and nurturing their strongest qualities, what they own and are best at, and…find niches in which they can best live out these strengths.” Success will come to us when we discover what we enjoy doing, what natural strengths we have, and what activities we find meaningful.

Positive Psychology researcher Christopher Peterson, Ph.D., of the University of Michigan, and Dr. Seligman conducted extensive research on strengths. They developed a scientifically validated and widely used assessment tool to help people discover and learn about their strengths. The assessment is called the Values in Action Inventory of Strengths Survey (VIA-IS). The VIA-IS helps people identify what strengths are most natural to them – the strengths they use most often in their lives. Over 600,000 people throughout the world have taken the assessment. You can complete the VIA-IS Survey here.  And if you are a member of AIESEC or an alumnus of AIESEC, please click here to participate in our ongoing International Leadership Strengths research project.

When you complete the VIA-IS, you will walk away with a greater awareness of your top five strengths. You should then ask yourself two powerful questions:

1. First, how do you use your top five strengths in some way every day, and how have you used them in the past? You’ll find out that you express your strengths in many areas of your life.
2. Second, when you look back at your most significant accomplishments in your life, which of your top strengths helped you achieve those successes? You’ll begin to see a pattern in your life: You will discover that many of your greatest achievements were made possible by engaging your top strengths.

Now that we’ve talked about your strengths, what about your weaknesses? Can you forget them? The answer is “no, but.” The “but” is that you no longer should focus your energies on trying to fix your weaknesses. There’s a better answer: Look for the people who have the strengths you lack and partner with them. Focus on what you do best, and then let others do the same.

So, let other people sing in the Boy’s Choir if that’s what they love to do. As for you, find your own voice in life and express it in your own unique way.

Monday Morning Momentum™: How to Find More Time in Your Life – Take “The Morning Test” ©

Welcome to Monday Morning Momentum! Each Monday I lay out a simple momentum plan for you to follow: I help you focus on one thing each week that will increase your momentum in your career, business, and life.  Thanks for being here!  Best to you, David

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How to Find More Time in Your Life – Take “The Morning Test” ©

Three years ago I learned how to find more time in my life.  Dawn and the girls were in bed.  I was tired.  I had a long day at work.  It was almost 10:00p.m. and I was headed for the couch.  I needed to watch TV.  I had to “relax” before bedtime.  I deserved it.

And then the next morning I woke up tired.  I was so tired that I was already thinking about going to bed that night.  It was obvious that I needed more sleep.  Yet every night I “needed” to relax on the couch.  I lived this stay-up-late, wake-up-tired cycle for too long.  I never fully admitted the obvious connection between my choices at night and how I felt in the morning:  That is until I created “The Morning Test.”

The Morning Test

Here’s how The Morning Test works.  Every day for one week write down everything that you do at night.  Jot down what you eat for snacks, the TV shows you watch, the radio programs you listen to, the email you read, the sites you surf, and whatever else you may do.

Then immediately after waking up the next morning – and this is important – think about what you did the night before.  Think about everything you did that still makes you happy, and what you think was a waste of time.  Write it all down.

Do this for one week and see which activities are meaningful to you, and which ones you do by force of habit.  Here’s your opportunity:  Replace those less helpful habits with activities that are gratifying to you.

The Benefits

Why is this important?  It’s because we’re always wishing we had more time to do more of what we care about.  This exercise helps us to choose at night what will serve us well the next day, and it also helps us achieve the important goals in our life. 

 

This Week

Remember to take the Morning Test each day this week. You’ll soon find an opportunity to create more time for what you really care about. And, as a result, this could lead to an important and lasting change in your life.

Invite Your Family and Friends to Join You

And if you want your family or friends to join you on your journey, send this post along to them.  Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter, Monthly Momentum Minutes, right here.

         

Monday Morning Momentum™ - Your “To Thank” List ©

Monday, May 26, 2008
Click here for an introduction to Monday Morning Momentum™.

Your “To Thank” List ã

The most common list people carry with them every day is a “to do” list.  It tells them how they will spend their time, and what they must accomplish.  In some ways you could also view a “to do” list as a scorecard:  Your success is determined by how many of the items you get through.

A New List:  The “To Thank” List

Seventeen years ago I began to carry another list with me.  It’s called my “to thank” list.  I learned that my successes were not possible without help from my family, friends, and colleagues.  And I also realized that I counted on their friendship and love during my most trying times.  So I began to carry a “to thank” list.

“Permanent” Members

My “to thank” list includes two groups of people:  The “permanent members,” and the people who come in and out of my life.  My family, friends, and colleagues are on my permanent list:  I thank them at the start of each day during my morning gratitude ritual.  And I speak with them often.  I cherish these people, and I would not want to live without them.

“Guest” Members

And there is my “guest member” list to thank.  These are the individuals who may not be a permanent part of my life, but they sure are helping me now.  Each week I make sure to thank these people for the role they play in my life.

Good for your Happiness.  Good for your Business.

My day is not complete until I have acknowledged my “to thank” list.  I consider this one of my most important “to do’s” every day:  When I thank the people who make my good life possible, I accomplish something very important.

Research conducted by Robert Emmons at the University of California at Davis demonstrates that we enjoy better relationships, better health, and greater happiness when we increase our gratitude.  And if you’re in business, The Gallup organization has found in their research that when employees receive recognition every seven days, they are more engaged and more productive.

Your List

What about your “to thank” list?  Is it written down?  Do you carry it with you?  Can you recite it by memory?

This week make it your Monday Morning Momentum project and create your “to thank” list.  Start by writing down all your permanent members.  Then add your guest members to your list.

Who are you going to thank this week?

Invite Your Family, Friends, and Colleagues to Join You

And if you want your colleagues, friends, and family to join you on your Monday Morning Momentum mission, send this post along to them.

Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

Monday Morning Momentum™: Focus + Humility + Questions = Momentum

Monday, May 19, 2008

Click here for an introduction to Monday Morning Momentum.

Focus + Humility + Questions = Momentumã

Let me check something out with you. Pretend for a moment that your friend, child, spouse, employee, or your boss says to you: “I would like to learn from you.  It would mean a lot to me if you would help me.” How would you feel?  My bet is that you feel good right now just thinking about the idea:  We all like to believe that we have something to offer those we care about.

People want to help us when we are humble enough to ask for help.

We demonstrate our curiosity when we seek assistance.  We telegraph to the world that we are on a search for new ways to do, see, and experience things.  In their book Character Strengths and Virtues, leading positive psychologists Martin Seligman, and Christopher Peterson point to research by psychologist Todd Kashdan of George Mason University that shows when people demonstrate curiosity, they learn more, are more engaged at work, and perform better academically.  Curiosity leads to better performance.

So, this week, let’s ask for help. Here’s our plan:

(1)    Think of two important areas in your life in which you could use some ideas, help, or input.

(2)    Write down a few questions you could ask people about these two critical areas.

(3)    Then identify three people you could approach to ask your questions. Choose a friend, a family member, and a colleague.

(4)    Finally, ask your questions.  But first tell them why you appreciate them (i.e., their perspective, ideas, their knowledge of you, or their expertise), and ask them if they would be willing to share their thoughts with you about something important to you. When they say “yes” – and they always will – then pose your questions to them.

(5)    Listen with humility.  Write down their answers. And thank them for their insights and their time.

What will happen? 

First, you will be amazed at how much people will appreciate your reaching out to them:  You will have shown respect and interest in them, and for that they will be grateful – even if they do not express it immediately. You will have deepened your relationship with them.

Second, you will be happy to have received help from people you care about and admire. And very importantly, you will have learned something valuable about an area of your life that matters deeply to you.

Your focus on what’s important to you, plus your humility, plus your questions will lead to increased momentum in your life.

Invite Your Family, Friends, and Colleagues to Join You

And if you want your colleagues, friends, and family to join you on your Monday Morning Momentum journey, send this post along to them.

Have a great week, and let me know how it goes!

And click here for last week’s Monday Morning Momentum post.

What Does Your Badge Say?©

Last year I was shopping in an office supply store.  I stepped up to the check-out counter when it was my turn to pay.  The clerk behind the cash register was wearing a name badge that said, “Dane.”  And below his name read, “In Training.”

I said, “Dane, how’s your training going?”  He stopped.  He looked to his left.  He looked to his right.  Then he leaned into me and said, “I’m not actually in training anymore.” 

I started laughing!  “What?!,” I said.  “Then why are you wearing a badge that says, “In Training?!”  Here’s what he said:  “When I was in training I learned a lot more, and people were friendlier to me.” 

As I left the store and slowly walked out to my car I thought, “He’s right.  You do learn more and people are friendlier to you when you’re in training.”  Here’s why.

When you declare to the world that you are in training and that you want to learn, you become a student.  And when you tell the world that you are a student, people want to help you.  They want to teach you.  You are essentially telling other people that they have strengths, knowledge, skills, and experience that you believe are valuable and that you appreciate. 

So now I think of Dane when I catch myself acting as if I “know” something.  Rather than prove what I know to everyone, I listen and try to see what I can learn. 

People want to help people who want to learn.  So now I say to myself when I head out from home, “David, are you wearing your ‘In Training’ badge today?”

How about you?  What does your badge say?

Be Like Michelangelo. See the Best in Yourself and Others.©

I want to be like Michelangelo.

I had the chance to travel to Italy sixteen years ago. Florence was one of the stops on my trip. It was one of the most beautiful cities I had ever seen.

One day I visited the Michelangelo Museum. I was excited to see one of the most famous statues in the world, Michelangelo’s “David”. I walked through the front door of the museum, turned, and there it was. The statue of David standing high on a pedestal at the end of the main hallway. I walked right to the statue and just stood there in awe of Michelangelo’s creation.

After a few minutes I stepped back to give others a chance to get a good look at David. I walked around the rest of the museum to see the other sculptures on display. Everything in the museum was great. But I kept looking back at David. I was so amazed that something so beautiful could be carved out of such a hard, hard stone.

So as I was leaving the museum, I stopped a tour guide and I asked, “Do we know anything about what inspired Michelangelo when he carved David?” And he looked right at me and said in English with a heavy Italian accent, “Yeah, yeah we do. Michelangelo said what inspired him.” The guide then turned in the direction of David and quietly told me what Michelangelo had said.

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

This is the moment I decided I wanted to be like Michelangelo.

I think about this every night when I check on my little daughters. Every night since the day they were born, I go into their rooms just before I go to bed. I pull up their blankets, and I kiss them on the cheek. I look at them sleeping peacefully and I think of Michelangelo. I see the angel inside each of them.

We should all look for the angel inside ourselves and our loved ones. We should ask the question, “What is that special place within all of us?” We all have knowledge, skills, experiences, and expectations that are part of the person we think we are. Yet at our core, we know there’s something unique about us. Our best self is in there and we know it.

Every day I try to ask myself, “How can I help my daughters stay connected to their real strengths, what they love to do, and what matters most to them in their lives?”

The science of Positive Psychology has found that this question is an important one to ask. Co-founder of Positive Psychology Martin Seligman and University of Michigan Psychologist Christopher Peterson discovered that people become happier the more they engage their signature strengths. The late Don Clifton, and Jim Harter, both of The Gallup Organization, found in their research, “The more a strength is exercised, the more integrated it becomes…Teachers, mentors, and parents may accelerate the development of individuals by basing their expectations for a person on his or her talents.”

Michelangelo had it right. He focused on the good and he brought it to life. His statue of David is a reminder to us all to look for the best in others.

Some day I will no longer be here to kiss my girls good night. When that day comes, I hope Eliana and Ariela will each say, “My Dad saw the angel inside me. My Dad was my Michelangelo.”

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this Fall, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program and DVD, and an internationally sought after speaker. He is the founder and president of The Momentum Project. If you would like to reprint Mr. Pollay’s columns, or include them in your blog, please email david@themomentumproject.com.  David J. Pollay’s bio.