David J. Pollay's Blog

Find Your Voice. Tap Your Strengths.

It was 1977 and I was in the sixth grade. I joined the Boy’s Choir. I really didn’t like singing in choirs, but I joined anyway. All my friends had signed up, so I did too.

I can still remember our two performances. I stood in the back row of the choir and mumbled my way through most of the songs. Why? I didn’t know all the words. So I sang the choruses and smiled a lot.

How many of us mumble and stumble through life? We just go through the motions. We’re not happy with our performance, but we continue anyway. Will we ever be good at what we’re doing? More importantly, will we ever be happy if we stick with the things we’re not passionate about?

Martin Seligman, Ph.D., of the University of Pennsylvania and Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., of Claremont Graduate University – the co-founders of Positive Psychology – wrote that people do their best when they focus on “identifying and nurturing their strongest qualities, what they own and are best at, and…find niches in which they can best live out these strengths.” Success will come to us when we discover what we enjoy doing, what natural strengths we have, and what activities we find meaningful.

Positive Psychology researcher Christopher Peterson, Ph.D., of the University of Michigan, and Dr. Seligman conducted extensive research on strengths. They developed a scientifically validated and widely used assessment tool to help people discover and learn about their strengths. The assessment is called the Values in Action Inventory of Strengths Survey (VIA-IS). The VIA-IS helps people identify what strengths are most natural to them – the strengths they use most often in their lives. Over 600,000 people throughout the world have taken the assessment. You can complete the VIA-IS Survey here.  And if you are a member of AIESEC or an alumnus of AIESEC, please click here to participate in our ongoing International Leadership Strengths research project.

When you complete the VIA-IS, you will walk away with a greater awareness of your top five strengths. You should then ask yourself two powerful questions:

1. First, how do you use your top five strengths in some way every day, and how have you used them in the past? You’ll find out that you express your strengths in many areas of your life.
2. Second, when you look back at your most significant accomplishments in your life, which of your top strengths helped you achieve those successes? You’ll begin to see a pattern in your life: You will discover that many of your greatest achievements were made possible by engaging your top strengths.

Now that we’ve talked about your strengths, what about your weaknesses? Can you forget them? The answer is “no, but.” The “but” is that you no longer should focus your energies on trying to fix your weaknesses. There’s a better answer: Look for the people who have the strengths you lack and partner with them. Focus on what you do best, and then let others do the same.

So, let other people sing in the Boy’s Choir if that’s what they love to do. As for you, find your own voice in life and express it in your own unique way.

Speak Someone’s Language and Watch Them Grow ©

When I was in college my roommates and I decided that we needed plants to liven up our dorm suite.  So we walked to the local grocery store and went shopping.  We had two criteria:  The plants needed to look healthy, and each one had to be of a different variety.

We bought four plants and brought them home.  We put them around the suite, and then we watered them.  We decided that we would use the same size mug each time to give them their water; we wanted to get it right each time. 

Two days later we watered the plants again.  We were proud that we remembered.  But shortly afterwards three of the four plants looked a little droopy.  So we grabbed the mug and watered them all again.

Another day passed and the same three were drooping even farther, so we watered them again.  And the next day, the three plants looked even worse.  The fourth plant was doing fine; it looked as good as it did in the store.

Now we weren’t botanists, but we knew that all the plants needed water.  And the fourth plant was evidence of this; it was doing great.  But somehow the others were not fairing so well.  And then we figured it out; we knew what the problem was.  The other three plants needed even more water!  So we gave each plant a double dose of water.

And what happened to our plants?  One of the plants was as healthy as ever.  The other three plants looked in terrible shape when one of our friends visited and said, “You’re giving them too much water.”  We all said defensively in a loud chorus, “What!  All plants need water.”  And she said, “Yes, but in different amounts.  One way to know is to touch the soil.  If the soil is dry, the plant needs water.  If the soil is wet, the plant has plenty of water.”

Here’s the translation of this story to Corporate America.  We were acting like a typical manager.  We were treating our employees the same, no matter the result.  We knew how to do one thing and we poured it on when it wasn’t working.  Most managers think and do the same thing.

Managers forget that we all want people to “understand” us.  We want people to know the “real” us.  We work harder for managers who treat us as individuals and help us to be our best selves.

A number of years ago I was in a meeting with senior leaders discussing the importance of recognizing employees when they do good work.  And this is what one leader said, “I rarely give out recognition; I believe my employees work harder when I keep my positive feedback in short supply.”

Was his strategy effective?  Yes, but with only one person.  The rest of his team had individual preferences for when and how they liked to be recognized.  He wasn’t reaching the rest of his team.  But he had a deep-set belief that everyone should get the same pint-sized ration of feedback.  He eventually left the company.

You will do best when you take the time to know what brings out the strengths of your employees.  How do you know what they need?  The answer is simple.  Touch them through your questions, your interest, and your support.  They’ll tell you what they need.  So go ahead and put your same size mug of water away.

Give employees what they need to succeed.  Speak their language and watch them grow.

Do What You Love. Take A Fill Year™

Do what you love.  Start exploring your interests now.  Take, what I call, a “Fill Year™.”

The goal of your Fill Year is to explore as many of your interests as possible.  The key to finding your true path in life is through exploration.  Get out and try things.  Whatever interests you, pursue it.

But, you’re busy.  You work full time.  You have children.  You have other responsibilities.  What can you do? 

I did some homework for you.  I figured out that you have the equivalent of eighteen work-weeks per year to explore your interests.  Here’s a look at the math I used:  You have thirty minutes at lunch three times per week; thirty minutes at night three times per week; one night per week; two weekend nights per month; two weekend days per month; and one week of your annual vacation time.  With a little planning – and determination – you can fill your year with many meaningful activities.

But if you are already feeling maxed out, how can you dedicate so much time for exploration?  Take my “Morning Test” to find out.  Here’s how it works.  Every night for one week write down everything that you do at lunch, and at night.  Jot down the email you read, the sites you surf, the radio programs you listen to, the TV shows you watch, and whatever else you do. 

Then immediately after waking up the next morning – and this is important – think about what you did the day before at lunch and at night.  Think about everything you did that still makes you happy, and what you think was a waste of time.  Write it all down. 

Do this for one week and see which activities are meaningful to you, and which ones you do by force of habit.  Here’s your opportunity:  Replace some of your less helpful habits with activities that are gratifying to you.

Now how do you know what is fulfilling to you?  Start by looking back at the main periods in your life:  Childhood, high school, college, jobs, marriage, children, and your career.  When were you the happiest? When were you the most successful?  What were you doing?  What were you learning?  What activities did you enjoy?  What were you reading?  What were you writing?  With whom were you spending time?  Your answers to these questions will help uncover your passions in life.

How else can you find clues to what you love to do?  Ask the people in your life what they think.  What have they seen you do well?  What have you expressed an interest in?  Ask your family.  Ask your friends.  Ask your co-workers.  Their insight might surprise you.

How can you find out what activities are available to you?  Check your local newspaper, TV and radio event calendars.  Call your local universities, museums, libraries, theatres, concert halls, hotels, chambers of commerce, local governments, and houses of worship.  Find out which associations have chapters in your area.  Get a listing of local clubs.  See what’s interesting to you and start plugging activities into your calendar. 

Some of you may be thinking that you cannot take this time away from your spouse, children, parents, friends, or co-workers.  This is where you play “Fill Year™ Matchmaking.”  Determine who would be willing to participate in some of these activities that you find interesting, and then invite them to go along with you.  They’ll appreciate the invitation, and you’ll do something fun together.  And you’ll have taken another step forward in your year of exploration.

Get excited about your future.  Take a Fill Year™ now.  Find your true path.

Be Like Michelangelo. See the Best in Yourself and Others.©

I want to be like Michelangelo.

I had the chance to travel to Italy sixteen years ago. Florence was one of the stops on my trip. It was one of the most beautiful cities I had ever seen.

One day I visited the Michelangelo Museum. I was excited to see one of the most famous statues in the world, Michelangelo’s “David”. I walked through the front door of the museum, turned, and there it was. The statue of David standing high on a pedestal at the end of the main hallway. I walked right to the statue and just stood there in awe of Michelangelo’s creation.

After a few minutes I stepped back to give others a chance to get a good look at David. I walked around the rest of the museum to see the other sculptures on display. Everything in the museum was great. But I kept looking back at David. I was so amazed that something so beautiful could be carved out of such a hard, hard stone.

So as I was leaving the museum, I stopped a tour guide and I asked, “Do we know anything about what inspired Michelangelo when he carved David?” And he looked right at me and said in English with a heavy Italian accent, “Yeah, yeah we do. Michelangelo said what inspired him.” The guide then turned in the direction of David and quietly told me what Michelangelo had said.

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

This is the moment I decided I wanted to be like Michelangelo.

I think about this every night when I check on my little daughters. Every night since the day they were born, I go into their rooms just before I go to bed. I pull up their blankets, and I kiss them on the cheek. I look at them sleeping peacefully and I think of Michelangelo. I see the angel inside each of them.

We should all look for the angel inside ourselves and our loved ones. We should ask the question, “What is that special place within all of us?” We all have knowledge, skills, experiences, and expectations that are part of the person we think we are. Yet at our core, we know there’s something unique about us. Our best self is in there and we know it.

Every day I try to ask myself, “How can I help my daughters stay connected to their real strengths, what they love to do, and what matters most to them in their lives?”

The science of Positive Psychology has found that this question is an important one to ask. Co-founder of Positive Psychology Martin Seligman and University of Michigan Psychologist Christopher Peterson discovered that people become happier the more they engage their signature strengths. The late Don Clifton, and Jim Harter, both of The Gallup Organization, found in their research, “The more a strength is exercised, the more integrated it becomes…Teachers, mentors, and parents may accelerate the development of individuals by basing their expectations for a person on his or her talents.”

Michelangelo had it right. He focused on the good and he brought it to life. His statue of David is a reminder to us all to look for the best in others.

Some day I will no longer be here to kiss my girls good night. When that day comes, I hope Eliana and Ariela will each say, “My Dad saw the angel inside me. My Dad was my Michelangelo.”

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this Fall, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program and DVD, and an internationally sought after speaker. He is the founder and president of The Momentum Project. If you would like to reprint Mr. Pollay’s columns, or include them in your blog, please email david@themomentumproject.com.  David J. Pollay’s bio.

The Keys to a Good Life©

I used to do it every time I went to an art museum. I would view a painting that I liked, and then I would head for the wall directly to the right of it. Now I was careful not to disturb anyone’s view on my approach, so I would make a big swing to the right and then shimmy up the wall until I reached the little metal plaque next to the painting.

Sure, I was interested in the name of the painting, who painted it, and the year it was completed. But I mostly wanted to know one thing. I wanted to know how long the artist lived. I was always relieved and happy when I saw that the artist had lived a long life, and I was disappointed when I saw it had been a short one. For as long as I can remember I thought a good life was a long life. Positive Psychology helped change my thinking.

Psychologists Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi co-founded Positive Psychology when Seligman was president of the American Psychological Association in 1998. Seligman was celebrated for his research on “learned helplessness” and “learned optimism,” while Csikszentmihalyi was best known for his research on “flow,” and for his best-selling book by the same name. Both men set Psychology on a course to discover what made people happy and thrive in life. They wanted to know what made up the “good life.”

The results of countless research studies that followed the launch of Positive Psychology led Seligman to conclude that there were three approaches to the good life. And they were all important. When you savor the present, are grateful for the past, and are hopeful for the future, you are experiencing positive emotion, the first component of happiness. When you do what you do best, when you use your signature strengths in your life’s work, you are engaged; this is the second contributor to happiness. And when you are involved in activities that go beyond your self-interest, and that you believe matter to the world, you are experiencing the third and final component of the good life: Your life is full of meaning.

While genetics do play a role in affecting your happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky’s research has demonstrated that as much as 50% of your happiness is within your direct control. The headline here is that the good life is possible; it’s within your grasp, and it is not measured only by the number of years you live.

My little girls helped me learn this lesson last year. Dawn and I took Ariela and Eliana, 2 and 3 at the time, to a museum of butterflies in Key West.

When we entered the museum through a special pressurized entrance, we were immediately surrounded by thousands of butterflies, all flapping their multi-colored wings. My girls were thrilled! I turned to our museum guide and asked, “How long do butterflies live?” She said, “About ten days.” I thought to myself, “Ten days - what do you do in ten days?!” So I blurted out, “What can butterflies do in ten days?!” And she stopped, paused, and said, “They make the world a more beautiful place.”

Every day I now ask myself, “How am I making the world a more beautiful place?”

A long life is good; a good life is better.

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer, and you can read his blog each week. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ DVDand television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, founder and president of The Momentum Project.

Name a Strength and Make a Difference ©

One of the keys to happiness and success in life is to be able to do what you do best in life every day. And one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person is your observation and acknowledgement of their strengths in action. When you help people see themselves at their best, you help them realize that they are capable of doing great things in their lives.

My article below, “Name a Strength and Make a Difference,” makes this point and includes one of my better known stories (“you’re a good packer!”). Enjoy! And send it to the people in your life that you care about (and name one of their strengths).

Best to you,
David

Name a Strength and Make a Difference ©
2008 David J. Pollay
Show me the trunk of your car. Hand me your luggage. Step back. I’ll find a way to fit it all in. I’m a good packer.

No car, no mini-van, no SUV scares me. I can squeeze anything in no matter the vehicle. You can call my trunk-packing a sort of strength; I can do it consistently well, and I enjoy doing it. Over the years I’ve volunteered to pack the family trunk thousands of times. And I’ve been called in for the most difficult of jobs. I’m the “go-to” guy of trunk-packing.

There’s a beginning to all success stories. Here’s mine. One day my Dad was having trouble finding a place in the trunk for one last bag. As he stepped back to take a better look, I stepped forward, adjusted three bags, and slipped the final bag into place. It was like laying down the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle. My Dad turned to me with a big smile and said, “David, you’re a good packer.” I swelled with pride. I was nine years old.

Martin Seligman, co-founder of Positive Psychology, and Christopher Peterson, an expert on strengths and virtues in people, found in their research that by simply naming a strength in someone you amplify it. My dad named my strength over three decades ago. And he did more than that. Like a good leader, like a good father, my dad turned that experience into a story and told everyone. And he made sure that I could hear him telling it.

Ask your employees. Ask your children. Ask them how many times they remember that you named a strength of theirs. Ask them how often they heard you telling others about their strengths. Ask them those questions.

The best leaders know that their belief in their employees’ strengths has a positive impact on their performance. It also affects the goals their employees set. Stanford Psychology Professor Albert Bandura found in his research that “the goals held for others convey to them a belief in their capability to fulfill them.”

So the next time you notice your employees, your spouse, or your children doing something very well, consider naming the strengths you see. Watch them light up, and watch how much more they use their strengths. They’ll use it often and they’ll use it with pride. You’ll have made a difference.

Recently I stepped out of my car in the Toys R Us parking lot and saw a young boy, his mother, and his grandmother trying to squeeze his new bicycle into the family car. I stopped and offered my help. Why? Because I’m a good packer.

For ten minutes the boy and I struggled to find a way to get the bike in the car. We came close many times. Finally, the mother called the boy’s father and said that they might not be able to bring the bike home. But I wouldn’t give up. Why? Because I’m a good packer.

A few minutes later, I paused and thought we might not actually be able to get the bike in the car. I stepped back and the little boy saw my face and said, “Wait.” He reached in, grabbed the front tire, moved it ever so slightly and said to me, “Push.” And the bike slipped right into place.

I saw him light up with pride. I smiled, walked over to him, put my hand on his shoulder, and said, “You’re a good packer.”

David J. Pollay is the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com).” His book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, is due out this summer. Mr. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of “The Happiness Answer™” television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, and the founder and president of TheMomentumProject.com.