David J. Pollay's Blog

Can we say this?

I have a question for you. 

But before I ask it, I want to wish you and your family great health, peace and happiness in the New Year.  I send my best to you as you plan for the year ahead.  Stay in touch!

Now, here’s the question. 

Can we talk to the people we disagree with?

Percy Sutton passed away this weekend.  He was the longest serving Manhattan Borough president in New York City.  The governor of New York, David Paterson, credits Sutton with encouraging Paterson’s entry into politics.  President Obama said in a statement from the White House that Percy Sutton is “a true hero to African-Americans in New York City and around the country.”  He accomplished a lot.  He also drew some controversy. 

Here’s the quotation I wanted to highlight from the New York Times article by Douglas Martin.  Percy Sutton said,

“You ought to keep the lines of communication open with those with whom you disagree.”

Here’s my reason for focusing on this quotation.  Just think what would happen if we all followed this advice.  Just think how it would help our families, careers, and the world.  The Law of the Garbage Truck helps us to focus on what’s important in our lives.  Martin did a great job of placing that quotation in the article.  It helped Sutton – whether you’re a fan or not – accomplish great things.  He succeeded.  He failed.  He succeeded.  He kept reaching.

Why break off communication with people who have an important influence in our lives?  This is true for our families, workplaces, and communities.  Sure, there may be an exception to this rule, but let’s focus on the broader intention of being able to communicate with the people who play a role in our lives.

Here’s the question again:  Can we talk to the people we disagree with?

I believe when our answer is “yes” to this question, we are happier, more successful, and we make the world a better place.

Let me know what you think.

I’m David J. Pollay.  I wrote The Law of the Garbage Truck to help people take control of their lives.  When we follow The Law of the Garbage Truck, we increase our happiness and we increase civility in the world.  Let me know what things you’re doing to make the world a more beautiful place. 

Make sure you are getting my free newsletter.  Stay in touch. 

 

Three Questions that Matter. Here’s #3.

Today, I want to share with you the last of the 3 questions I recommend that we ask each other when we want to spark meaningful and insightful conversations in our families. 

Here was my First Question.  Here was my Second Question.  Here’s Question #3. 

Question #3

“What were you ‘grateful’ for today?”

We do our children a great service when we help them understand the power of gratitude.  We help them realize how many good things and how many good people are in their lives.  Our question gently directs them to think of what they value and care about. 

Sociologist Georg Simmel wrote, “Gratitude, as it were, is the moral memory of mankind.”  Our inquiry prods our children to thank the people who have helped them.  And we know from Positive Psychology research that the more grateful we are, the happier we become. 

Think about asking one of these questions to deepen your gratitude conversations: 

-   “Why are you grateful for that?”

-   “What about that makes you grateful?”

(Note: These questions are just as great for adults, and they are particularly interesting questions to ask around the holidays.)

Questions guide and stimulate

The beauty of these three questions is that they stimulate our children’s thinking on a deeper level.  Subconsciously these questions influence our children throughout the day:  Our children know that we expect them to be grateful, find something good, and learn something new every day. 

And don’t forget to answer these questions yourself.  Your children will understand what’s important to you:  You will model what you value.  And you will personally feel the uplifting benefits of focusing on these three questions.

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As always, when you have time, let me know how you’re doing.  And remember to share your stories with me.

Best to you,

David

p.s. Remember to keep sending me your stories about how you are applying The Law of the Garbage Truck™ to your lives, families, and businesses.  Email me at [email protected].

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And remember you can sign up for my newsletter right here.

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David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book The Law of the Garbage Truck: Take control of your life with one decision and change the world will be published by Sterling Publishing (a Barnes & Noble company) in September, 2010.  You can find out more about The Law of the Garbage Truck™ at www.thelawofthegarbagetruck.com.

David holds a Master’s degree of applied positive psychology (M.A.P.P.) from the University of Pennsylvania, and a Bachelor’s degree in economics from Yale University.  He is the founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association.  You can catch David’s newsletter here.  You can reach him at [email protected], and you can read David’s blog at www.pollayblog.com.

Three Questions that Matter. Here’s #2.

There are 3 questions that I recommend we ask each other when we want to spark meaningful and insightful conversations in our families. 

Here was my First Question.  Today, we’ll look at Question #2.

Question #2

“What was the ‘top’ of your day?” 

We know from Psychology that our experience in life is based on where we focus our attention.  We want to give our children an opportunity to recall something positive in their day.  Make sure to explain that the “top” of their day is a time when they were most satisfied, challenged, happy, or having fun. 

You can use this additional question to learn even more about what excites your children:  “Why was that the top of your day?”

(Note: These questions are just as great for adults, and they are particularly interesting questions to ask around the holidays.)

***   ***   ***

As always, when you have time, let me know how you’re doing.  And remember to share your stories with me.

Best to you,

David

p.s. Remember to keep sending me your stories about how you are applying The Law of the Garbage Truck™ to your lives, families, and businesses.  Email me at [email protected].

---------------------------------------------------------

Sign up

And remember you can sign up for my newsletter right here.

---------------------------------------------------------

David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book The Law of the Garbage Truck: Take control of your life with one decision and change the world will be published by Sterling Publishing (a Barnes & Noble company) in September, 2010.  You can find out more about The Law of the Garbage Truck™ at www.thelawofthegarbagetruck.com.

David holds a Master’s degree of applied positive psychology (M.A.P.P.) from the University of Pennsylvania, and a Bachelor’s degree in economics from Yale University.  He is the founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association.  You can catch David’s newsletter here.  You can reach him at [email protected], and you can read David’s blog at www.pollayblog.com.

Three Questions that Matter. Here’s #1.

“How was school?”  “What did you do today?”  These are some of the typical questions we ask our school-age children during dinner.  The question is how often do these questions lead to interesting and engaging answers? 

At some point in time, most of us have felt frustrated because we did not know what questions to ask our children to encourage them to speak openly and meaningfully about their day.  We want to know what is going on with them.  We want to know what they are excited about.  But questions that lead to answers such as “fine,” “okay,” and “I don’t remember,” do not help us learn more about our children. 

Three questions

Here are three questions that may help you and your family.  These questions may lead you to some interesting, meaningful, and fun conversations at the dinner table with your children. 

 

(Note: These questions are just as great for adults, and they are particularly interesting questions to ask around the holidays.)

Question #1

“What did you ‘learn’ today?”

Stanford psychology researcher, Carol Dweck, has spent decades researching what contributes most to our success in life.  She sums up her findings in her book, Mindset:  The New Psychology of Success.  She writes:  “If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.  That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.  They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.” 

When we ask our children what they learned today, we are demonstrating our interest in their growth.  We are as concerned with their practice as we are with their performance.  We are also communicating that we want to see them stretch themselves every day.  Learning is key. 

Consider asking this follow-up question to further focus your child on the importance of learning:  “How did you learn that today?” 

***   ***   ***

As always, when you have time, let me know how you’re doing.  And remember to share your stories with me.

Best to you,

David

p.s. Remember to keep sending me your stories about how you are applying The Law of the Garbage Truck™ to your lives, families, and businesses.  Email me at [email protected].

---------------------------------------------------------

Sign up

And remember you can sign up for my newsletter right here.

---------------------------------------------------------

David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book, The Law of the Garbage Truck: Take control of your life with one decision and change the world, will be published by Sterling Publishing (a Barnes & Noble company) in September, 2010.  You can find out more about The Law of the Garbage Truck™ at www.thelawofthegarbagetruck.com.

David holds a Master’s degree of applied positive psychology (M.A.P.P.) from the University of Pennsylvania, and a Bachelor’s degree in economics from Yale University.  He is the founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association.  You can catch David’s newsletter here.  You can reach him at [email protected], and you can read David’s blog at www.pollayblog.com.

Hi Everyone! I’m Back.

I hope you’re off to a good start in December.  I missed you last week!

I was out of town and away from my blog speaking and presenting my workshop, Happiness-Based Leadership™ and The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  I was also completing final edits to my book, The Law of the Garbage Truck™. 

Thanks for waiting for me.  I’m glad to be back.

I’m excited about the book.  In addition to my editors, I’ve had two dozen readers review The Law of the Garbage Truck™, and the feedback has been very positive.  The book helps us integrate The Law of the Garbage Truck™ philosophy into all areas of our lives.  The publishing date is September, 2010. I’ll tell you more about the book soon. 

If you have not yet read my short essay, The Law of the Garbage Truck™, you can find it here. 

And if you have not yet taken The No Garbage Trucks! Pledge™, watch this short video and then take The Pledge.  Last week I had three different groups take The Pledge with me.  It was great!

Thank you for your support and friendship.  I will jump back on my blog later tonight.  I will put up the first post in a short series about three key questions we can ask the important people in our lives.

Stay tuned.

Best to you,

David

p.s. Remember to keep sending me your stories about how you are applying The Law of the Garbage Truck™ to your lives, families, and businesses.  Email me at [email protected].

---------------------------------------------------------

Sign up

And remember you can sign up for my newsletter right here.

---------------------------------------------------------

David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™.  He is a syndicated columnist, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker.  David’s book The Law of the Garbage Truck: Take control of your life with one decision and change the world will be published by Sterling Publishing (a Barnes & Noble company) in September, 2010.  You can find out more about The Law of the Garbage Truck™ at www.thelawofthegarbagetruck.com.

David holds a Master’s degree of applied positive psychology (M.A.P.P.) from the University of Pennsylvania, and a Bachelor’s degree in economics from Yale University.  He is the founding associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association.  You can catch David’s newsletter here.  You can reach him at [email protected], and you can read David’s blog at www.pollayblog.com.